#facebook

"Are you on Facebook?" "No, but I'm on.. (don't say twitter, don't say twitter) ..Mescaline" (Nailed it)

1.Open Facebook 2.Search for a pic with 4 girls 3.Coment: "You 3 look so pretty!" 4.Enjoy

Take it easy, guy who posts 10,000 pics of his baby on Facebook. We get it already. You got laid once.

My aunt's ex-boyfriend's mailman's brother said it on Facebook so I don't think any further research is necessary.

I replied "maybe" to your facebook event out of respect for the inherent uncertainty of life's journey.

My wife didn't post an essay thanking our kids for making her a mom on Facebook and now child services is on the way.

The best sign of a healthy relationship is no sign of it on Facebook.

here come the bitches starting their winturrrrrr2012<3 facebook photo albums.

I have been reporting moms on Facebook who brag about how perfect their lives are as fake news.

Egypt. Palin. Walmart. Facebook. KE$HA. Bieber. Typos. Snow. Zombies. Superpowers. FFs. Your mom. Boom, I just won Twitter.

"If I write something completely creepy under a girl's Facebook photo, maybe it WON'T be creepy if I end it with 'lol.'" -guy logic

I Know What You Did Last Summer. You Posted It To Facebook. And You Do Not Seem To Understand How To Use The Privacy Controls.

Being Man, a territorial animal, I assert dominance by sending Facebook Pokes.

Instagram: My life is a party. Snapchat: My life is a quirky tv show Facebook: My life turned out great! Twitter: We're all going to die.

The day Facebook adds an option that you can like that someone liked something, I quit the internet forever.

Facebook needs a "who cares?" button.

Facebook timelines are just a step by step account of your march toward death.

Girl likes 'boys with accents <333' on Facebook. I charge at her. "HELLOUGH!! I AM HELMUT, FROM RUSSIA. I WORK AS STRANGLER AT MEAT FACTORY"

Professor i'd like an extension on my paper. why? well my ex just got married & i have to comment "lame" on all her wedding pics on facebook

I missed your birthday because I didn't log onto Facebook that day. #LetsBeReal

If we ate cats for lunch we could consolidate something like 85% of all Facebook photos.

My grandmother reads obituary column in the newspaper everyday. It is pretty much like searching for your childhood friends on Facebook.

Don't hate every single one of your friends yet? Get Facebook.

I get so excited when Facebook tells me there are hot singles in my city who want to meet me. Maybe they want to babysit!

Gonna start referring to my Facebook feed as Chick-Fil-A because it's just a bunch of propaganda from cows who can't spell.