#facebook

Reasons people claim to be gay: 3% - are actually gay 97% - forgot to log out of facebook

*Paul Walker shouts down from the gates of heaven* "YO DID I GET A MILLION LIKES ON FACEBOOK? THEY WON'T LET ME IN WITHOUT A MILLION LIKES"

Just spent a nice relaxing hour on facebook, writing "you Two look fantastic!!" on all weekend selfies with three girls or more in it.

A fun thing to do is go to the Facebook page of someone you've never met and "like" hundreds of photos of their baby.

According to Facebook a bunch of handsome dudes got together and decided to marry all my ex-girlfriends

*logs into Facebook *looks at pictures of people hugging their boyfriends *comments 'is that your dad' on all of them *logs out of Facebook

[Lady is being robbed] "Help, Social Media Man!" [Social Media Man swoops in & creates a facebook page called Mugging Is Bad]

There are many effective ways of inviting me to your event but doing it on Facebook is definitely not one of them.

A pregnant girl from my high school made her unborn child a Facebook and added me as a friend. I AM FRIENDS WITH AN EMBRYO YOU GUYS.

So, Facebook is celebrating its 10th birthday. What do you buy for the social media app that makes you hate everyone?

Deleting your Facebook is the new regaining your dignity.

"Your former crush likes this thing" "Your former crush likes this thing" "Your former crush likes this thing" -Facebook

Heard The Wall Street Journal just dropped Facebook stock results to the Comics Section

Would you people tweet something funny so I can steal it already? I need to update my Facebook status.

According to Facebook, Sept. 11th is about posting as many pictures of crying bald eagles obscured by an American flag as you can.

Before Facebook, you had to "like" things with your feelings.

You know you're a total loser when your controversial political post gets zero likes or comments on Facebook.

Feeling bored? Post a status on Facebook that says "Barack Obama 2016" and buckle up for the ride of your life.

A 'red list' of endangered species has been released. It includes 'literate people on Facebook' and 'monogamous footballers'.

Beth on Facebook "Can't believe its Monday again already"... if only there were some way for her to calculate the order in which days occur.

Girls who say "I don't care what anyone thinks about me" sure spend a lot of time untagging themselves out of unflattering pics on Facebook.

Let's give a big round of applause to everyone on Facebook who went to the gym today even though they "hate it"!! They are the real heroes.

My sister borrowed my favorite shirt without asking again, so I changed her Facebook profile picture to a positive Clearblue pregnancy test.

Ever since Facebook allowed images in their comments sections people only ever communicate via pictures. We're 21st-century cavemen.

Nothing better than hearing that a couple who comments on each other's Facebook statuses broke up.