#facebook

According to Facebook, 78% of girls I went to high school with now own their own photography business.

Alan from Facebook is concerned about "boarder" control and thinks they should "learn our langage"

Please. Old people. When you comment on a Facebook pic you don't need to end with Love, James. WE CAN SEE YOUR NAME YOU'RE NOT AN OSTRICH

I cant use facebook cuz everyone making popular comment I wish I thought of first, like "thank God it Friday!" or "Im pregnant of baby"

If you want to keep a secret from me, write it down and send it to me as a Facebook event invitation.

"Are you working right now? Where are you working?" Facebook is worse than my parents.

Thanks for posting your running route on Facebook. Now I know the best place to hit you with my car.

While stalking someone on Facebook, I accidentally liked a picture 700 tags deep. Not even Yahoo! Answers has a solution for this.

Sorry I can't attend your Facebook event, I'll be busy throwing myself off a cliff that day.

Greatest days of my life: 3) Day I got married 2) Day my first kid was born 1) Day Facebook let you turn off notifications for their games

Accidentally connected my Fitbit account to Facebook and now everyone knows I only walked 13 steps yesterday.

Quick question... How many Facebook pokes before it's okay to ask her to take a load to the face?

Girl from my high school posted on Facebook that she got a "constellation prize" at a church carnival yesterday. She skipped school a lot.

A girl on Facebook says it's officially too cold to go outside. Thank you for your official confirmation, Madison, I will remain indoors.

Quick! Everyone on Facebook is at church! Let's go steal all their shit!

Girl on Facebook Heyy i have not seen u since high school. Me. It's been a while. Her. Yea been married 6 years now : ) Me. Unfriend

if i'm bleeding out in an alley & you approach me w/an app that would save me, but i'd have to login using facebook, i'd be fine w/just dyin

A girl who bullied me in junior high just friended me on Facebook. Her three kids are named after trees. I win.

Sorry I unfriended you after seeing your Facebook "Year In Review" but it was bad enough the first time.

People on Facebook Nowadays: *Clicks pic while sipping coffee* *Posts as DP with irrelevant caption: Every scar makes me who I am* WTF?

[last supper] Jesus (to Judas): so your facebook status said you were anxious? Anything u wanted to say Judas (sweating): no not really

Bonnie said I should join the Facebook like she did. Said its good way to get in touch with friends. Lord, at my age I'd need a ouija board

It is truly easier to forgive your enemies than figure out how to limit their access to your facebook page.

Just logged into Facebook instead of Twitter and I now feel like I shouted out the wrong name in bed.

Why look something up on Google when you can ask the question on Facebook and let everyone know you're an idiot?