#canada

A young boy uncovers a dark secret... (Disclaimer: Long, but very much worth the read.) There was a little boy who lived in a far away land. Close to the boy's home, there was a tall mountain, always covered in snow at the top. Also at the top of the mountain, there was an ancient monastery where ancient monks lived. Sometimes, the little boy, as he was riding his tricycle around his yard, would look up at the monastery on the tall mountain and wonder what it was like up there. One day, when the…

Four cops had to take a test... They were all asked the same question: ""What would you do if a man with a knife was coming at you?"" The Cop from the U.K answered by listing the steps in order what he was taught to do in Police Academy and in the Police Handbook The Cop from the U.S Answered: ""BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG"" The Cop from Japan answered: ""Disarm the man and arrest him using any form of martial arts that is best suited"" The Cop from Canada answered: ""Please put the knife down.""

So this guy was driving down a street... ...and felt a bump. He got out of his car quickly and looked to see what he'd hit. Turned out, he'd ran over a cat's tail, and it had come off! He started to panic. What would the owner do? He scooped up the tail-less cat and kicked the tail into a bush, hoping no one would notice. He ran to his friend for help, asking ""What am I going to do? Should I take her to the vet?"" to which the friend replied, ""No. Take her to Wal-Mart."" ""What? Why?!"" ""Beca…

What is the equivalent to Area-51 in Canada? Area-51, A

Canada got rid of the penny. It makes no cents.

What letter appears most frequently in the word CANADA?

I looking a a good joke about Canada I need a joke about Canada for my Canadian co-worker. Please help.

How Canada was named. In a log cabin, somewhere remote, 50 fur trappers are holding an emergency meeting. The head fur trapper rings a bell. ""I have called to attention that this wonderful land has no name to it."" ""Well, how can we name it?"" One fur trapper asks. ""It's simple!"" The head fur trapper exclaims. "" we take one of these hats of ours, and pull out three letters. That will be the name of our country."" ""Shall we begin?"" The head fur trapper asks. The croud approves. The first l…

How do you kill a fox? Cut off one of it's legs and make it run across Canada

A plane ride. A Canadian, an Irishman, and a Mexican are on a plane. So they're flying over Mexico and the Mexican dropped a coin because he loves his country. Then, they fly over Ireland and the Irishman dropped a coin because he loves his country. But when they flew over Canada the Canadian dropped a bomb because he hates his country. The next day the Mexican was walking down the street and saw a little boy crying so he asked why. The little boy said ""A coin fell down and killed my Mom!"". Th…

The computer was claimed to answer anything correctly. But the CEO didn't believe it, so he asked ""Where's my father right now?"". The computer beeped and whirred for a few seconds, and spat out ""Your father is fishing in Canada"". The CEO joyfully chortled ""See, your computer isn't always right, my father died when I was 10 years old!"" The computer spat out ""Your mothers husband died 25 years ago. Your father just landed an 8 pound trout.""

At the Club on the Weekend So I went to the club this past weekend, and, jerk that I am, I went up to this one girl and sneered, ""So, you think you can dance, eh?*"" And then I assembled an all-star panel of celebrity judges, and determined by a score of 3-2, that, yes, she could dance. \* So you think you can dance, eh? is the new Canadian version of the popular American show. (Only on CBC - home of Hockey Night in Canada.**) ** For about the next two and a half weeks, at least.

An Irishman reluctantly has to leave Ireland. Upon arriving in Canada, the first thing he does is pop into a bar and order three pints. The barman serves him and curious, asks: ""Why are you ordering three pints at a time? The Irishman looks up and tells him that he left two brothers at home who he had done everything with, including drinking. So as a way of remembering them, he decided to order three pints, one for himself and one for each brother. The barman understood and this carried on for …

If you have 10 minutes to spare... There was a little boy who lived in a far away land. Close to the boy's home, there was a tall mountain, always covered in snow at the top. Also at the top of the mountain, there was an ancient monastery where ancient monks lived. Sometimes, the little boy, as he was riding his tricycle around his yard, would look up at the monastery on the tall mountain and wonder what it was like up there. One day, when the wind was blowing down off the mountain, the air turn…

Oil Pipeline from Canada to Mexico. Democrats tell the Republicans they want to build a highway from the Canadian border in North Dakota to Mexican border in Texas. Republicans get angry telling them the only reason they want to build the highway is so they can use it as an excuse not to build a pipeline. Democrats say they have enough votes to push it down the Repubs throat. The Texas Senator says at least let us save some of our honor. Allow us to name the highway after a great Texan so that w…

School in Canada makes non-vaccinated students stay home to halt the spread of measles. Better safe than sorry.

How Canada responds to defeating America in Hockey So as I'm sure you know Canada went against America in hockey last night. But what people don't know is that after Canada beat America they said they were so ""Sory""

Jokes About Canada I've been trying to think of jokes about Canada. I could rib on universal health care, maple syrup, or ""sorry"". But no matter what I think of, it always ends up feeling sort of eh.

The peanuts kids are having a school project. The kids from peanuts were in class one day, when they get a project where they need to do a presentation on a country. They all draw from a hat to see what country they were going to present on. Lucie: I got Canada! Peppermint Pattie: I got Brazil! Charlie Brown: I got Iraq :(

One-legged Fox How do you kill a Fox with 1 leg? Make him run across Canada.

4 explorers find land north of the United States, and decide to claim it as their own. They make a simple flag out of some leaves and stick it in the ground. ""Looks great, eh?"" An explorer says. A second explorer agrees. ""Yeah, it's perfect! We can call it the official flag of... um..."" ""...We need a name for this place, eh?"" A third explorer says. Everyone else nods in agreement. They start thinking of names for their new land, but can't really find one they like. ""How about this?"" An e…

how do you piss of a frenchman? ask him what part of canada he's from

How do you know when your BBQ is ready in Canada in April? The snow on top of it has melted.

Canada Eliminates the Penny.... Canada eliminates the penny and advices retailers to round to the nearest nickel officially claiming they don't give a shit about its citizen's 2 cents....finally an honest government!

Grandpa gets audited Revenue Canada decides to audit Grandpa, and summons him to the RevenueCanada office. The Revenue Canada auditor was not surprised when Grandpa showed up with his attorney. The auditor said, 'Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I'm not sure Revenue Canada finds that believable.' I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it,' says Grandpa. 'How about a demonstration?' The auditor thinks …