#austria

If WW1 was a bar fight...... If World War One was a bar Fight... Germany, Austria and Italy are standing together in the middle of a pub when Serbia bumps into Austria and spills Austria's pint. Austria demands Serbia buy it a complete new suit because there are splashes on its trouser leg. Germany expresses its support for Austria's point of view. Britain recommends that everyone calm down a bit. Serbia points out that it can't afford a whole suit, but offers to pay for the cleaning of Austria'…

Who was the greatest female author in German history? Ann Schluss. Her books had a way of taking over Czechoslovakia and Austria in particular. edit: Czechoslovakia & Austria

I was traveling in europe Went to Austria with a tour group and stopped at a famous cemetery, we could all here a strange sound, after afew minutes I asked the tour guide 'what's that noise?' He looked me without missing a beat and said ""don't worry its just Beethoven de-composing""

A time-traveller and his student.. A college professor at a small college had just invented time-travel. He knew he couldn't trust just anyone with this secret, so he chose to tell only his best student; an african-american student named Mark. When the professor told him, Mark was shocked! ""So what do you plan to do with you time-machine?"" Mark asked. ""I'm going to kill Hitler when he was a child"" The professor responded. Mark was both appalled and intrigued, so he asked the professor if he …

My friend asked me if I was hungry... I said no, I'm Austria.

Arnold Schwarzenegger was ostracised when he was young. After taking steroids, however, he was Austria sized.

Guys I'm like next to Austria right now... Hungary, I could really go for a cheeseburger...

What do you call an alien from Austria? Austalian

Beautiful Austria One day, Hitler was sitting on a bench in the alps with some old friends, enjoying the beautiful valley below them. ""Ah, Germany is a wonderful country!"", he said. ""But Mein Fuhrer, this is Austria!"", said one of the friends. ""Well, NOW it's Austria...""

19th century monarchy humor, anyone? So Otto von Habsburg walks into a sports bar, sees a game on, and asks the bartender who's playing. ""Austria and Hungary,"" he replies. Otto: ""Yeah, who are they playing against?""

Austria, mid-1950s Once upon a time in an Austrian elementary school, the children were preparing for the school play. This year it was about classical musicians. The teacher asked some students who they'd like to portray in the production. Hans wanted to be Mozart, Johan wanted to be Beethoven, and Karl wanted to be Brahms. When little Arnold was asked, he replied ""I'll be Bach!""

Why did Turkey disappear? Because Austria was Hungary.

Bethoveen's grave One day, a couple years ago, I decided I would go to Austria as a tourist to see the world before I head off to university. I'm staying in this nice hotel in Vienna and I look out and see a nice meadow out the window that has many people, mostly tourists presumably. I ask the concierge about it and she tells me it's where Bethoveen is buried and attracts many tourists. Not being a fan of large crowds I decide to go out one evening to the graveyard and see the grave for myself. …

Peter Ludwig a caver from Austria who is appalled by American driving habits offers the following advice: The probability of being involved in a traffic accident is directly proportional to time spent on the road. Driving fast decreases one's exposure. One third of traffic accidents are caused by drunk drivers; two thirds are caused by non-drunk drivers. Therefore the safest way to drive is drunk and VERY fast.

If World War One were a bar fight. Germany, Austria and Italy are standing together in the middle of a pub when Serbia bumps into Austria and spills Austria's pint. Austria demands Serbia buy it a complete new suit because there are splashes on its trouser leg. Germany expresses its support for Austria's point of view. Britain recommends that everyone calm down a bit. Serbia points out that it can't afford a whole suit, but offers to pay for the cleaning of Austria's trousers. Russia and Serbia…

What's the worst thing about Austria? I don't know, but the flag is a big minus.

French sense of humor So me (not a German, but was living in Germany those days) and a colleague (who is French and lives in France too) were "on-site" in Austria visiting a customer. After the work day was over we went to a nearby farmer's market just for a stroll. We saw some lovely and cheap lemons there and I wanted to buy some but didn't have a bag on me. When I mentioned this to my french colleague, he pulled out a big white handkerchief from his pocket and offered that we could bundle up…

What does a mole think, when he digs trough lower Austria? Make way, children.

Who was the greatest female author in German history? Ann Schluss. Her books had a way of taking over Czechoslovakia and Austria in particular. edit: Czechoslovakia & Austria