#amsterdam

An oldie, maybe one for the brits... A man goes into a pet shop and decides that he wants to buy a hamster and takes it home. The hamster turns out to be not quite what he wanted so he called the pet shop and asked if he could return it. The pet shop explained their no return policy but said that he could try boiling the hamster and making jam from it. The slightly perplexed man decides to do so, it takes a while, but he makes it. On trying the jam, it was found to be bloody awful, so he threw i…

A priest and a rabbi walk into a horse show in Amsterdam... What is this world coming to?

Amsterdam, 26 October1942, about tea time. Mr Frank - ""Shhhh Quiet everybody ... the Germans are coming"". Anne Frank - ""I am too""

I had my stag do in Amsterdam. To remember the occasion my mates got me a sweater. I'd have preferred a moaner or a screamer, however.

My friend showed me his pictures from his exchange program in Amsterdam. It turns out he did a project at the Red Light district there. Damn, he really was studying a broad!

I used to find window shopping depressing..... then I visited Amsterdam.

A verse of unit puns The Units Verse by Kevin Ahern Two thousand pounds of Chinese soup Will make a restaurant run In Beijing, China order it In units of Won ton Religious leaders measure clout From Nome to Amsterdam By how much clout they have with God The units - billi-grams Is the ratio of circumference To diameter my, my Of homes in northern latitudes Known as Eskimo pi? Four fifty three graham crackers is An awful lot to bake Into dessert when prepping up A really good pound cake The units …

How easy is it to get stoned in Amsterdam? It's a piece of cake.

Amsterdam is like a tour de France - it's full of people on bikes and drugs. -- Heard this last weekend while visiting Amsterdam

Ying, Xing and Ping in Amsterdam It's probably worse 'cause I've hadn't enough time to think it through. Here it goes: Ying, Xing and Ping decided to take a spacecake holiday and get baked on Amsterdam. As soon as the plane touches the ground, they light the grass and start their journey. As they roll around, Ying wants to try different batches of dope candy, Xing wants to smoke a huge ganja blunt and Ping is in for just getting plain dumb. Xing and Ying take their time and enjoy the trip, while…

Wanna go to Copenhagen? Amsterdam sure

Amsterdam is a lot like the Tour de France. It's just a lot of people on drugs riding bikes.

Penguins, 20 Euros A man had been enjoying Amsterdam and was down to his last 20 euros. Wandering the streets he spies a sign, ""Penguins 20 Euros"" ""Hell yeah! I'm going to get a penguin!"" He walks in and says he would like the penguin for 20 euros. He is led upstairs into a room with the most beautiful woman ever. She rips down his pants and begins giving him the best blow job of his life. Just as he is about to climax she gets up and runs out of the room. He chases after with his pants arou…

Beer drinkers In Amsterdam, a world wide convention of brewers was held. The presidents of many of the world's greatest breweries were on hand, and many of them decided to go out for dinner together on the first evening. The waiter asked what they would like to drink, and the CEO of Miller said, ""The Best Beer in the world, an MGD please!"" The president of Budweiser asked for ""The King of Beers, make it a Bud!"". Adolph Coors requested a ""From mountain spring water, the clearest beer, a Coor…

Only Beer drinkers would understand In Amsterdam, a world wide convention of brewers was held. The presidents of many of the world's greatest breweries were on hand, and many of them decided to go out for dinner together on the first evening. The waiter asked what they would like to drink, and the CEO of Miller said, ""The Best Beer in the world, an MGD please!"" The president of Budweiser asked for ""The King of Beers, make it a Bud!"". Adolph Coors requested a ""From mountain spring water, the…

After a weekend in Amsterdam my bollocks became enlarged, red and itchy. I went to my doctor who told me it could be a number of STD's. Worried my wife would soon find out I asked if it might clear up on its own. He said he didn't want to make any rash promises.

It was about a month ago when a man in Amsterdam felt that he needed to confess so went to his priest: ""Forgive me Father for I have sinned. During WWII I hid a refugee in my attic."" ""Well"" answered the priest ""that's not a sin."" ""But I made him agree to pay me 20 Gulden for every week he stayed."" ""I admit that wasn't good but you did it for a good cause."" ""Oh thank you Father; that eases my mind. I have one more question..."" ""What is that my son?"" ""Do I have to tell him the w…

Knock Knock Who's there ! Amsterdam ! Amsterdam who ? Amsterdam is like plum jam but made from hamsters !

It's time for some Tern Jokes! * A group of sea-birds flew over Amsterdam. No tern was left unstoned. * Frans just opened up his new Deli and was doing quite well. People came in from miles around to buy his sausages and meats, and they never left unsatisfied. One day a man walks in and orders a pound of sausage. Frans gladly rings him up, but he's floored when the man says he doesn't have any money to pay with. "Well I can't give you mien fleisch for nothing," said Frans. The man thought fo…

The Three Barbers There are three barbershops on a small street in Amsterdam. The first barbershop has a sign saying 'best barber in the town' The second has a sign saying 'best barber in the world'. And the third has a sign saying 'best barber on the street'

WAR BOARDER A man in Amsterdam feels the need to confess, so he goes to his priest. "Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. During WWII, I hid a refugee in my attic." "Well," answers the priest, "that's not a sin."' "But I made him agree to pay me 20 guilders for every week he stayed." "I admit that wasn't good, but you did it for a good cause." "Oh, thank you, Father. That eases my mind. I have one more question." "What is that, my son?" "Do I have to tell him the war is over?"

War A Dutchman in Amsterdam felt that he needed to confess, so he went to his Priest. “Forgive me Father, for I have sinned. During WWII, I hid a Jewish man in my attic.” “Well,” answered the Priest, “That's not a sin.” “But I made him pay me 20 gulden for each week he stayed.” The Dutchman said. The Priest replied, “I admit that wasn't good, but you did it for a good cause.” The Dutchman exclaimed “Oh thank you Father; that eases my mind. Father, I have one more question.” “W…

If you ever miss the Tour de France just go to Amsterdam.

The real Jesus Christ Three drunks are sitting in a bar in Amsterdam and start bragging. The first drunk says:""I am Jesus Christ

A man in Amsterdam feels the need to confess ... so he goes to his priest.