#south-africa

We don't have Taco Bell in South Africa because this country's been through too much already.

Missing South Africa In Toronto I saw a bumper sticker on a parked car that read: ""I miss South Africa."" So I broke the window, took the radio and left a note that read: ""I hope this helps.""

Did you hear about the golf match between the black golfer and white golfer from South Africa? Birdie on the last hole would have won the match for the black golfer, but a par tied.

UN Survey Last month a world-wide survey was conducted by the UN. The only question asked was:- ""Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?"" The survey was a huge failure because of the following: 1. In Eastern Europe they didn't know what ""honest"" meant. 2. In Western Europe they didn't know what ""shortage"" meant. 3. In Africa they didn't know what ""food"" meant. 4. In China they didn't know what ""opinion"" meant. 5. In the M…

Apparently a lion has won a talent show in South Africa The judges said it had roar talent

What's black, white and red all over? South Africa

How many Africans does it take to change a light bulb? There are no light bulb factories in Africa. Except in south Africa and they've been over run by blacks who destroyed everything. Tell me I'm wrong.

A South African, an Australian and an Englishman are all having a drink The Englishman and South African both drink from Pint Glasses, the Australian from a bottle. The South African, upon draining his glass, drops in back down on the bar, pulls out a pistol, and shoots the glass. ""In South Africa, there is so much sand that I never drink from the same glass twice!"" The Australian, having drained his bottle, sets it down upon the bar and, upon seizing the South African's pistol, shoots his bot…

What is green, has four legs and would kill you if it fell on to you from a tree in the jungle? A snooker table. (Courtesy of Leigh Hart on the Alternative Commentary Collective during the New Zealand v South Africa Cricket World Cup semi-final)

for those of you who are americans, a brakpan girl is something like a redneck girl... Brakpan is a place in South Africa A Brakpan girl was involved in a serious crash. The paramedics arrive and drag the girl out of the car till she's lying flat out on the road. Medic: ""OK, I'm going to check if you're concussed."" Brakpan: ""Ok."" Medic: ""How many fingers am I putting up?"" Brakpan: ""Oh my god I'm paralysed from the waist down!""

Due to its location South Africa doesn't experience full tide or low tide... it has apartheid.

On a plane ride to South Africa. A flight going from Cairo to Johannesburg was about half-way through their trip. Out of the blue, the captain made a startling announcement, ""Folks, it seems as though we are having some engine troubles. Now please remain calm, and we'll have an update in 15 minutes."" Obviously everyone is freaking out. 15 minutes go by. Captain makes another announcement. ""Ok seems as though one of our engines has failed. We are going to make a landing at the nearest airstrip…

Oscar Roses are red, Violets are glorious, Don't try to surprise Oscar Pistorius She didn't notice Oscar sneaking up behind her. It was the silence of the limbs. Oscar Pistorius. Not the first South African with a race problem. When Oscar Pistorius said he wanted to be just like able bodied athletes, who knew he meant OJ Simpson? Absolutely shocking news from South Africa. White man arrested for murder. Oscar Pistorius. Just because he has no legs doesn't mean he's unarmed. I take it Osca…

A Brit, American and South African Joke After having dug to a depth of 10 feet last year, British scientists found traces of copper wire dating back 200 years They came to the conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone network more than 150 years ago. Not to be outdone by the Brit’s, in the weeks that followed, an American archaeologist dug to a depth of 20 feet, and shortly after, a story published in the New York bulletin: “American archaeologists, finding traces of 250-year-old …

Elon Musk was born in South Africa, and made an electric car. What if he had been born in Madagascar? He would have made a gas car

A baby was born in South Africa. The village was very poor, and the makeshift hospital didn't have some necessary equipment.. such as scales. The father however, was desperate to know the newborn baby's weight. After quite a bit of asking around, the hospital's chairman came up with an idea. "Five miles west, there's a butcher shop. The owner deals with meat, he should have a rather precise scale. You could just put your baby on the meat scale, and the weight reading you'll get should be pret…

I'm going to kill you doctor! My friend's dad, a doctor in South Africa, once had a difficult elderly patient who'd had a stroke. His wife was trying to gain power of attorney, so they insisted on a mental assessment. The patient was furious: "You made me see a psychiatrist! I hate psychiatrists! I was in the ARMY, I'm going to kill you!" The doctor asked, "Oh, you were in the army? How many people did you kill?" The patient, still fuming, replied, "More than 10!" The doctor chuckled and s…

I was pretty surprised to learn Elon Musk was born in South Africa I thought he was born in Mad-at-gas-car

The Man who could only Drink Milk I know an old man who had lived a life full of adventure, but his health started to catch up with him. He'd run the Boston Marathon, was an avid surfer, and climbed Everest, but he'd started to have abdominal pains around his 85th birthday and went to see a doctor. Sadly, he ultimately was diagnosed with a rare degenerative liver disease that slowly made him allergic to everything he ate. He kept copious notes, and as an avid gastronomist slowly grew to despai…

A baby was born in South Africa. The village was very poor

Elon Musk was born in South Africa and made an electric car. What if he had been born in Madagascar?

Archeologists in South Africa have just discoved what they think is the oldest tampon ever found They are trying to find out what period it came from

Which unit describes the intensity of light in South Africa? Nelson Candela

Why don't they have any casinos in South Africa? Because there's too many cheetahs!

Two scuba divers surface after a long, deep dive. As their heads pop out of the water, a squad of jets (called Buccaneers in South Africa) flies low above their heads. The one diver puts his hands over his ears and shouts, "It's those Buccaneers!" To which the other replies, "Yeah, mine are hurting too!"