#messi

Did you hear about the Barcelona football star who got busted for tax evasion? They said his tax returns were Messi.

TIL A ref can show a player the red card for a loud fart ... even if it isn't Messi.

How do you lose a Football championship penalty shootout? You Messi-up

Did you hear about the most recent FIFA scandal? Turns out Lionel was a little Messi in his financial records.

James Bond is called in to FIFA Contacted by a panicked FIFA, Bond is informed that they have recieved a demand for $1bn, with a threat to grusomely murder top footballers every day until it is paid. The note says that the best player in the world will be fed into a woodchipper at midnight. ""Oh dear"" says James. ""That'll be Messi""

Why does nobody like eating with Lionel? Because he is a Messi eater!

I don't know many football players except... The one with the Messi hair

TIL of a soccer player that is never invited to any parties He is just too messi

After a freak accident; Zlatan, Messi and Ronaldo enter the kingdom of heaven. Messi is first to be judged by the lord, God looks upon Messi and says ""Messi, you shall sit on my right side"" and Messi takes his rightful place. Ronaldo is next up and God tell him ""Ah, Ronaldo, You shall be seated at my left side for eternity"" Then Zlatan walks up and says ""Move over, you are in my spot""

So Messi, Ronaldo, and Ibrahimovic arrive at the pearly white gates... There to meet them is St. Peter, who informs them that they may pass through but their judgement is to be carried out in front of Jesus. At last they reach Jesus, who says the following... ""Messi my child, you were always good to the poor and those less fortunate. Here, I have a seat on my right hand side for you"" and gestures for Messi to come take a seat. ""Ronaldo my son, though you were at times arrogant your heart is g…

You know football is a big sport... ...now that you can buy hair gel that gives you the ""Messi look"".

I tried telling a joke to Messi But he missed the point

The German players enjoyed some Argentinian steak today... but it was a little Messi

Before he was a footballer, Messi used to be a stand-up comedian He had to quit because his jokes kept flying over the audience's heads.

Breaking news: Messi won't be playing against Netherlands He is suffering from extreme abdominal pain caused uncontrollable laughter caused by watching Brazil vs Germany

World Cup Jokes Here are my attempts at World cup jokes. Why is Ronaldo always clean shaven? Because he doesn't want to be Messi. Why did Jurgen Klinsmann leave Donovan off of the roster? I do Nazi why he did this. What's light, round & fly's in the air when kicked? Dead babies Why do they call the hardest group, the group of death? Women don't play in the world cup.

Messi, Ronaldo and Zlatan died in a car crash and goes to heaven. The three walks up to God sitting on his throne. God says: ""Messi, what is the best thing about football?"" Messi bows and answers: ""The best thing about football is that I have been able to spread joy to people, earn money for my living and seeing the world."" God felt it was a good answer when he said: ""Good Messi, come and sit at my left side."" God then looked at Ronaldo and said: ""And you Ronaldo, what is the best thing a…

Messi carrying Argentina. Neymar carrying Brazil. British Airways carrying England

After a klose game with messi challenges and neuer goal scoring opportunities, ze Germans kept their cool and gotze World Cup that they deserved!

My son played soccer in the mud all day. He was a little Messi.

Why did the tiny soccer player take a shower? He was a little Messi.

Why does C. Ronaldo comb his hair every game break? So it won't get too Messi.

Why did the soccer player have to ask for a bib at the restaurant? Because he was Messi