James Bond is called in to FIFA Contacted by a panicked FIFA, Bond is informed that they have recieved a demand for $1bn, with a threat to grusomely murder top footballers every day until it is paid. The note says that the best player in the world will be fed into a woodchipper at midnight. ""Oh dear"" says James. ""That'll be Messi""

After a freak accident; Zlatan, Messi and Ronaldo enter the kingdom of heaven. Messi is first to be judged by the lord, God looks upon Messi and says ""Messi, you shall sit on my right side"" and Messi takes his rightful place. Ronaldo is next up and God tell him ""Ah, Ronaldo, You shall be seated at my left side for eternity"" Then Zlatan walks up and says ""Move over, you are in my spot""

So Messi, Ronaldo, and Ibrahimovic arrive at the pearly white gates... There to meet them is St. Peter, who informs them that they may pass through but their judgement is to be carried out in front of Jesus. At last they reach Jesus, who says the following... ""Messi my child, you were always good to the poor and those less fortunate. Here, I have a seat on my right hand side for you"" and gestures for Messi to come take a seat. ""Ronaldo my son, though you were at times arrogant your heart is g…

Messi, Ronaldo and Zlatan died in a car crash and goes to heaven. The three walks up to God sitting on his throne. God says: ""Messi, what is the best thing about football?"" Messi bows and answers: ""The best thing about football is that I have been able to spread joy to people, earn money for my living and seeing the world."" God felt it was a good answer when he said: ""Good Messi, come and sit at my left side."" God then looked at Ronaldo and said: ""And you Ronaldo, what is the best thing a…