An old couple go shopping... ... At the grocery store. The wife continuously nags the husband about the cost of all the things he wants to buy and he grumbles back at her. When they get to the canned fruit aisle she looks at a can of peaches and exclaims ""that's ridiculous!"" at the price. Looking both ways, she slips it into her purse. After they leave the store a police officer stops them, informing her she was seen stealing the peaches on video. When she gets to court to answer for her crime

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Life lesson One day a little boy woke up and sat down at the table expecting breakfast. However, his mother says, ""You don't get any breakfast until you do your chores."" A little pissed off, the boy goes out to do his chores. When he goes to milk the cow, he kicks it. When he goes to get eggs he kicks a chicken, and when he goes to feed the pigs, he kicks a pig. When the little boy sits down his mother gives him a bowl of dry cereal. ""Where is the bacon, eggs and milk?"" asks the little boy.

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Husband and Wife go to a live stock show... ...and are passing through the bull section when they go up to a bull with a sign that indicates that the bull mated 12 times last year. The wife says, ""Honey, that's at least once a month. See, you could take a lesson from him."" The husband doesn't say anything and they keep going to the next bull. The sign indicates the bull mated 52 times last year. The wife says, ""Honey, that's at least once a week. See, you could take a lesson from him."" The h

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A tourist is eaten by a python at the zoo. Two tourists from the Czech republic are visiting New York. At the zoo, one leans forward, trying to get real close to the pythons. He falls down into the enclosure and is quickly swallowed whole. Panicking, the other guy runs up to a caretaker and cries out for help. The caretaker asks him: ""Which of these pythons ate your friend, the male or the female one?"" ""That one! That one!"", exclaims the Czech, pointing at the male snake, bloated with its st

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A Lesson For All Employees Who Work With Rude Customers. An award should go to the Virgin Airlines gate attendant in Sydney some months ago for being customer focused, while making her point, when confronted with a passenger who probably deserved to fly as cargo. A crowded Virgin flight was cancelled after Virgin's 767s had been withdrawn from service. A single attendant was re-booking a long line of inconvenienced travelers. Suddenly an angry passenger pushed his way to the desk. He slapped his

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A chicken is at home watching MTV... She's watching a heavy metal music video, and the guitarist plays an amazing solo. The chicken says ""that looks amazing, I want to do that!"" The chicken goes to the phone book, looks up a music teacher and calls him. ""Hi, I'd like to learn to play guitar."" Says the chicken. ""Sure,"" says the man on the phone. ""Just come to your lesson and we'll get you started."" ""There's just one problem,"" says the chicken. ""I'm a chicken."" ""Not to worry,"" the ma

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