#dating

HR: Do you know why I called you in here today? Me: I have a boyfriend HR: Ok, sorry to bother you

Bank robber: EVERYONE BE CALM AND NO ONE GETS HURT Guy from back of room: IM DATING UR EX WIFE BR: [sobbing] ok only one person gets hurt

When my twitter crush rt's another girl, a little part of me dies. And so does she.

A dating app called "Hinder" where some guy shows up in the middle of every date and ruins everything.

My internet boyfriend doesn't know about my real life boyfriend, which makes two of them.

moses: watch me split the red sea in half red sea: i've got a boyfriend

Me: But God, where did the second set of footprints go? God: That's when you were dating that psycho. I wasn't sticking around for that.

My girlfriend is like my bike. Some black guy stole her from me too.

"I don't have a racist bone in my body!" --Riley Cooper's girlfriend postcoitus

Apparently speed dating doesn't involve taking amphetamines. UGH. Worst night ever.

[getting dating advice from my dad] Just be yourself and don't do anything stupid "Well which one is it?"

*Speed Dating* Him: Do you have any hobbies? Me: *tying my hair in a big knot under my chin so I look like I have a beard* "TAAA-DAAA!"

My girlfriend broke up with me because she and I had different opinions. My opinion was that I was worth dating.

Me: Can I get you a drink? Her: I have a boyfriend. Me: Lady, I'm the bartender.

Me: Did you know that a woman's voice gets higher when she's attracted to a man? Her: *batman voice* I have a boyfriend

So carrying a "wet floor" sign and putting it down immediately after using your best pickup line on a woman is frowned upon Dating is hard.

My aunt's ex-boyfriend's mailman's brother said it on Facebook so I don't think any further research is necessary.

I just found handcuffs, a whip and a mask in my girlfriend's bedroom. I can't believe she's a super hero.

Dating Tips. C all her 69 times a day. R ing her doorbell and hide. E avesdrop by phone tapping. E ye her bffs. P oke her on FB.

I miss dating The excitement of meeting someone new, that feeling of butterflies when you see if you can climb out their bathroom window...

How many push-ups is too many when meeting your girlfriend's dad for the first time?

She's not my fake internet girlfriend, she's my eBae.

*proposes to girlfriend, accidentally dropping the ring in the ocean* "I'll still marry you" No. I'm married to the sea now *dives in*

My Japanese girlfriend had a really bad tempura.

Girl: I dumped my last boyfriend cause he always gave short answers. I never knew what he was thinking. That's so annoying, right? Me: Word