"No mom I DON'T HAVE a boyfriend!" -lie you tell at 18. "No mom I HAVE a boyfriend!" -lie you tell at 28.

DATING TIP: IF YOU EAT A MAGNET AND SLIP ANOTHER MAGNET INTO YOUR DATE'S DINNER SHE'LL NEVER BE ABLE TO LEAVE YOU

"Smoking breaks" at work should be deducted from annually leave. We all have addictions, you don't see me leave a meeting to fry plantain

Her: What brings you to speed dating? Me: I just ran out of the fancy shampoo my previous GF bought for me.