#dating

Sorry girl, you knew you were dating a bad boy *saves used gift bag because those things are expensive*

*licks ice cream cone Cone: I have a boyfriend.

My performance as "guy who acts disgusted when wife says our recently divorced neighbor is dating a 23 year old" is getting early Emmy buzz.

I've lost my boyfriend! He's in one of these browser tabs, somewhere.

*Cinderella drops her glass slipper* Prince: I have a girlfriend.

[texting] ME: I like you, I think you're cute MY CRUSH: oh um ME: HAHAHA omg my dog was chewing on my phone lol how did he type that

Becky on FB is "too blessed to be stressed" so I told her that I slept with her boyfriend.

me: *tries to help old lady cross the street* old lady: I have a boyfriend.

I'd never snoop through my girlfriend's phone out of love, a deep respect and the inability to crack her password.

Professor: Today's exam is written. Next week we will do oral Class in unison: I HAVE A BOYFRIEND

"Waaaah, my boyfriend is a jerk, but I'm gonna tell twitter instead of him because I have the communication skills of a sea anemone."

My boyfriend broke up with because I make too many Linkin Park references, but in the end it doesn't even matter.

Hang on guys. My boyfriend told me not to be anxious, so I expect to feel better any moment.

If you watch Sleeping Beauty backwards it's about a prince who was so charming he kissed his girlfriend and she fainted for 17 years

My boyfriend is so needy. Always demanding things like "please untie me" and "just tell me who you are".

DATING TIP: show her your hula hoop skills. keep adding hula hoops. you're now a slinky. everybody loves a slinky.

My apartment is so dirty that I actually lost my last girlfriend to the 5 second rule.

[having daughter's new boyfriend (who I think is a caveman) over for dinner] so dave, how is work? *lights candle and watches his reaction*

I accidentally took 1 of my girlfriend's multivitamins for women & I've been looking at engagement rings & crying uncontrollably for 4 hours

I'll buy the magic mushrooms, fireballs and flying raccoons but a Princess dating an Italian plumber?

In all honesty, my new dating service, "Well You're Not So Great Yourself" hasn't really taken off like I'd hoped.

New boyfriend is allergic to kitten so can't keep him :( He's ginger & named Tom. Friendly. Comes when called. 28yrs-old & works in IT.

My girlfriend looks super hot without glasses. That's why I stopped Wearing them

"Feeling sad? We can help make it worse" - online dating

[Club] Me: *has debilitating crush on a nerd* Nerd: What you feel is a burst of norepinephrine increasing arousal and focus- Me: *swoons*