#dating

I like to stand next to someone else's screaming baby, call an ex boyfriend, and tell him, "We need to talk!"

Speed dating? You mean pizza delivered in less than 30 mins...

So today I was lookin at a girl bcuz she had a piece of lettuce in her hair & she looks at me and said "I have a boyfriend" ok lettuce head

I told my sandwich to "go make me a girlfriend"

I dress up as a Girl Scout for my boyfriend, but just so we can practice our elaborate cookie heist.

I don't have jealousy issues, but I do have "flirt with my boyfriend one more time and I may have to cut you" issues.

In a landslide victory, landslides crush their opponents.

Dating tip: Photoshop yourself into some of her selfies. Women love guys who are good with computers.

My tinder profile says I love dogs but then on dates I elaborate that it is hot dogs and corn dogs

Dating tip: Men find mysterious woman alluring, so keep the spark alive by occasionally acting like a lunatic possessed by the devil.

I'd get into a lesbian relationship just to mooch my girlfriend's hair care products.

My boyfriend recently called me his woman And now we're living in the jungle, wearing deer skin and hunting for food

My boyfriend got pissed because I didn't swallow. Is it my fault I have a nut allergy?

I only sleep with my laptop so that if I ever get a boyfriend I'll be used to sharing the bed

Me: For Christmas I want a girlfriend/boyfriend Santa: Let's be realistic lol

He told me he was uncomfortable dating someone with so much inflatable furniture.

I mostly want a relationship so my boyfriend can chase me around trying to put an ice cube down my back as I demurely beg "Dooooooooon't."

I remember my first internet boyfriend. I was 13, he was 55. <3

A Library is a good place to get in a fight with ur girlfriend cuz its the only place u can get away with saying "Shhh" w/out being murdered

Haven't heard from my boyfriend in 3 days. Trying to start a prayer chain. He blocked me after I set up a wedding website so please RT.

Do men prefer straight or curly hair? Need to know so I can tell my roommate the opposite and then try to steal her boyfriend.

While sitting on the beach, 16 told me he is going to go under the pier with his girlfriend and catch crabs. They grow up so fast.

If your girlfriend says she's going out to run some errands and comes back with 6 bags from the mall... You might be dating my wife.

My boyfriend is taking me to a Spanish restaurant for dinner, I'm kind of scared, I don't speak Spanish, how will I know not to order dog

My girlfriend told me to "tread lightly." So when I ran over her, I drove really slow.