#bar

No beer or Snacks?!? WORST. PARTY. EVER. Family: uh...this is an Intervention Me: LAME, look, Grandmas so bored she's crying

Based on their level of excitement, bros in beer commercials seem unaware that you can pretty much buy beer anywhere.

Here's a crazy idea. What if Budweiser took all that advertising money and actually made better beer?

Sign: "No alcohol past this point." Translation: Bet you can't chug this entire beer, right now.

[loud bar] Her: I have to urinate Me: What? H: Urinate M: What? H: URINATE! M: Well, YOU'RE a 10! H: Huh? No! You're like a 5. I gotta pee.

Still trying to convince my boss that I'm just using beer-flavoured toothpaste.

A waiter just asked me if eat meat. I felt like a 70 year old women getting carded at a bar.

It's adorable how I write "beer" on my shopping list like I'd somehow forget.

It's kinda like i'm a shopaholic but with alcohol instead of clothes.

This tweet would get all dressed up and go somewhere special on a Saturday night, but unfortunately it's married.. so it'll just get drunk.

picture a bunch of dogs at a bar getting drunk off of a beer called air bud light

I'm like a reverse MacGyver. I can take a perfectly working item, step on it drunk, then turn it into dozens of unusable, meaningless parts.

*turns on shower* *shower whispers "eat donuts for breakfast" & "get drunk tonight"* Me: Wow, that's some serious water pressure

[creating the armadillo] GOD: I want a half turtle, ANGEL: Okay G: Half pig, A: Okay, I'm on it- G: Half anteater A: ...Are u drunk G: Very

It's called a runway. But you taxi there. In a plane. Go home English, you're drunk.

It's a serious Lego project when the 1st thing my 5yo does is take off his shirt and gets me a beer from the fridge.

You think Minnie Mouse ever got drunk & decided to bang Goofy after a Disney mixer? -Was the last time my boss asked me for my thoughts

A lot of things can be preserved in alcohol. My dignity is not one of them.

*cute bartender gives me back my credit card* "No it's cool, you keep it"

Relationship threats: teens: i'll cheat on you 20's: i'll go to the bar with my boys 30's: I'm gonna watch all of our shows without you

I'm glad the pet stores close before the bar does. I could see drunken pet adoption being a real problem for me.

6yo's can't go to jail so I have no idea why this one's refusing to drive me home from the pub.

"Hey bro shotgun this beer" No I don't drink "You wanna be cool don't you?" I don't drink "C'mon NERD!" Grandma PLEASE stop

Professor: "Did you just show up drunk to my exam?" No way "Hungover then?" Nope "There's a lime wedge on your face"

This woman just stared at the beer in my cup holder, like she's never seen a cup holder on a grocery cart before.