#valentines

The Comical Conservative President Obama walks into a local bank in Chicago to cash a check. He is surrounded by Secret Service agents. As he approaches the cashier he says, "Good morning Ma'am, could you please cash this check for me?" Cashier: "It would be my pleasure sir. Could you please show me your ID?" Obama: "Truthfully, I did not bring my ID with me as I didn't think there was any need to. I am President Barack Obama, the President of the United States of AMERICA !!!!" Cashier: "Yes…

Valentine's day Mothers have mothers day, father's have father's day, couples have valentine's day and I have palm sunday

To those who are sad because nobody loves them at Valentine's Day, worry not... ...nobody loves you on any of the other days of the year either.

Valentine’s Day dream Joke A young woman was taking an afternoon nap. After she woke up, she told her husband, “I just dream’t that you gave me a pearl necklace for Valentine’s Day. What do you think it means?” “You shall know tonight”, he said. That evening, the man came home with a small package and gave it to his wife. Delighted, she opened it. She found a book entitled “The Meaning of Dreams”.

Girl, if your beauty was represented in stocks, I'd invest everything... Because you're at an all-time low. (Use it to seal the deal on Valentine's Day)

"The Meaning of Dreams" After she woke up, a woman told her husband, "I just dreamed that you gave me a pearl necklace for Valentine's day. What do you think it means?" "You'll know tonight." he said. That evening, the man came home with a small package and gave it to his wife. Delighted, she opened it to find a book entitled "The Meaning of Dreams"

The Smiths invite the Jones' over for dinner... After dinner, Mrs. Smith is cleaning dishes in the kitchen while Mr. Smith entertains their guests. He begins to tell them about a great restaurant that he recently went to with his wife, but can't remember the name of the establishment. Mr. Smith: "The food was amazing, great service, but I can't recall the name! Help me out... what's that red flower, it's really fragrant, and people give them out on Valentine's Day?" The Jones': "You mean a r…

I bought my wife a new puppy for Valentine's Day! She's such a beautiful dog! Unfortunately, I forgot my wife is allergic to dogs... so I have to find her a new home. Can anybody help me out? She's 5'5", 125lbs, and blonde. Free to good home.

Wife on Valentine's day... A wife, being the romantic sort, sent her husband a text “If you are sleeping, send me your dreams. If you are laughing, send me your smile. If you are eating, send me a bite. If you are drinking send me a sip. If you are crying, send me your tears. I love you! The husband, typically unromantic, replied, "I am in the toilet. Please advise.."

I have my entire Valentine's day planned with my toaster! Okay, so first, we're going to take a bath.

My wife called me on Valentine's Day She said, "Three of the girls in the office have just received some flowers for Valentines Day. They are absolutely gorgeous." I said, "Well that's probably why they've received flowers then."

I already got a date this valentine's day. Her name is Emma, Emma Gination.

My wife told me "For Valentine's Day, nothing would make me happier than a diamond necklace" So I got her nothing.

For Valentine's Day, me and the girlfriend are just gonna stay in and watch a movie. Can anyone recommend a good girlfriend?

A Valentine Poem Roses are grey Violets are grey From your favourite dog Happy Valentine's Day

My wife sat me down and told me how important Valentine’s Day is to her. She must have something really awesome planned for us.

A guy walked into a post office just before Valentine's Day. He couldn't help but notice a middle-aged, balding man wearing a suit, standing in a corner sticking "Love" stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. There were stacks and stacks of envelopes. He kept watching as the man then took out a bottle of Chanel perfume from his pocket and started spraying the scent over the envelopes. By now, the guy's curiosity had got the better of him so he asked the man what he was doing…

For Valentine's Day, my wife finally fulfilled a fantasy of mine when dressed up as a nurse. At last, I got to roleplay having access to healthcare.

Q. What’s the difference between a $20.00 steak and a $55.00 steak? A. Valentine’s Day

Boudreaux decides to surprise his wife for Valentine’s day. His wife has been wanting a milk bath to soothe her skin. He goes to the milk man and states he needs some milk. The milk man says, “Since you are filling up the bathtub, do you want it pasteurize?” Boudreaux says, “no I just need it passed her ass, not pasteurize” (passed her eyes)

My wife told me she wanted a divorce for Valentine's Day I told her I hadn't planned on spending that much.

Happy Valentine's Day The Restaurant offers 25% discount for men who show up with their wife

Rich friend and a poor friend meet a day before Valentine's Day Poor man asks - What did you buy for your wife for valentines?

I asked my wife what she wanted for Valentine's Day and she said 'treat me like a princess!' I'm having her killed in a traffic accident in Paris.

Do you have a date for Valentine's Day? Yes February 14th.