For valentine's day, I'm taking my wife to see "50 Shades". How long is the movie? I need to know what time to pick her up.

Sometimes I feel like Valentine's Day was invented by a guy who had way too many chocolate covered strawberries.

"I got you this for Valentine's Day." [she opens the box and reveals several People magazines inside] "I think we should see other people."

Roses are red. Violets are blue. If he's busy on Valentine's Day, the side chic is you.