#turkey

Three men, a blonde, brunette, and a redhead are eating lunch... ... During their break at work. They all pull out their sandwiches and open them up to find out what they got to eat. First the redhead sees that he got ham and exclaims, ""Ham again! If I get ham again I'm going to jump off a cliff and kill myself!"" Next the brunette opens his sandwich and exclaims, ""Turkey again! If I get turkey again I'm going to jump off a cliff and kill myself!"" Lastly the blonde opens his sandwich and excl…

The first year I didn't eat Thanksgiving leftovers on the day after. I quit cold turkey.

Thanksgiving in Bulgaria Obviously Thanksgiving is an American holiday. However, as a former soldier deployed to Southern Europe, I was given a week long pass during the week of Thanksgiving. I decided to go to Bulgaria. You know what the best thing about Thanksgiving in Bulgaria is? Bulgaria is next to Turkey and Greece.

Turkeys Recalled. Did you see the news story about the turkey recall? Check your freezers, because Butterball is recalling all of their turkeys because they forgot to butter the balls.

I shot a turkey for the first time today... Scared the shit out of everyone in the frozen foods section.

I can't wait for turkey dinner tomorrow. I love middle eastern food.

If the Indians would have given the Pilgrims donkey instead of turkey, we'd all be having a piece of ass for Thanksgiving

The bird who sought a purpose Apologies if a joke like this was already submitted, I just discovered this wonderful subreddit and I'd like to chip in :) A bird had long traveled the country side. He was never content with his meager life, and sought a purpose. One day, the bird came upon quite a sight! A massive clearing in the woods was absolutely infested with animals of all kinds. From the mighty lions, to the slithering snakes, to the wise owls, to the towering Giraffes. Even odder than this…

Office jokes. A rabbit saw a bird sitting on a branch doing nothing and thought it looked good so he asked the bird, ""Hey! That look good. Can I sit here and do nothing too?"" The bird nodded. As soon as the rabbit sat down the the base of the tree a fox ran up and ate the rabbit. Moral of the story? When you want to sit and do nothing, you must be sitting very high up. --- A turkey wanted to climb a tree and tried as hard as he could but could only make it to the first branch. So he asked his …

A blonde's year in review. **January** Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight. **February** Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels..... Helllloooo!!!.......bottles won't fit in printer!!! **March** Got really excited......finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months...... Box said ' 2-4 years!' **April** Trapped on escalator for hours ... Power went out!!! **May** Tried to make Kool-Aid.....wrong instructions.... 8 cups of water won't fit into those little packets!!! **June** T…

3 guys are eating lunch at work The first guy pulls out a turkey sandwich. ""Dammit, I hate turkey, if i get this tomorrow, I'm going to kill myself."" The second guy pulls out a pastrami sandwich. ""Dammit, I hate pastrami, if i get this tomorrow, I'm going to kill myself."" The third guy pulls out a ham sandwich. ""Dammit, I hate ham, if i get this tomorrow i'm going to kill myself."" So the next day all three men get the same sandwich as the day before, so they kill themselves. At the funeral…

An old couple... An old couple has lived together for many years. They lived a happy and long life together. Every morning - the husband would wake up and let out a stinky, warm fart. This had agitated the wife and she would always tell him, that one morning he will fart out his guts. One day she decided to have revenge. She placed some turkey giblets in the bed, next to his ass and went downstairs to cook breakfast. The husband woke up as usual and released an enormous fart. She heard him screa…

I've decided to avoid Turkey this Thanksgiving... Way too close to Syria.

There was once a man who woke up every morning and farted really loudly... Every day he would wake up, release the pressure, and his wife would say in disgust ""one of these days, you're going to fart your guts out"". So one Thanksgiving, the wife got up early to start fixing the feast for the day. As she was removing the giblets from the turkey, she had an idea. Sneaking back up to the bedroom, she carefully lifted the back of her husbands pajamas and placed the giblets into his pants, then snu…

A woman goes into a tattoo parlour and tells the tattoo artist that she wants a tattoo of a turkey on her right thigh just below her bikini line. She also wants him to put ""Happy Thanksgiving"" under the turkey. So the guy does it and it comes out looking really good. The woman then ... Read more...

A Thanksgiving Joke What did the turkey say about the television program from the 1950s? There's a little bit too much grayvy.

What do you call a Jihadist that loves turkey? A Tryptophanatic.

Why don't you want a turkey at your thanksgiving dinner? Because it'll gobble up everything.

Who doesn't eat on Thanksgiving? A turkey because it is always stuffed.

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What does a turkey do when he flies upside down? He gobbles up.

Grandpa was showing little Johnny around the farm, and when they came to the corral, he explained, ""That's a bull and a cow, and he's serving her."" A little later on, they saw horses. The Grandpa said, ""That's a stud and a mare, and he's serving her, too."" That night at supper, after everyone was seated and grace was said, Grandma turned to Grandpa and said, ""Will you please serve the turkey?"" Little Johnny jumped up and yelled, ""If he does, I'm eating a hamburger!""

This is a story about a couple who had been happily married for years. The only friction in their marriage was thehusband's habit of farting loudly every morning when he awoke. The noise would wake his wife and the smell would make her eyes water and make her gasp for air. Every morning she would plead with him to stop ripping them off because it was making her sick. He told her he couldn't stop it and that it was perfectly natural. She told him to see a doctor; she was concerned that one day he…

I knew a woman at work once who was truly concerned about her husband's smoking. She told me that she had finally gotten him to agree to limit his smoking at home to only those times when they had finished making love. She had gotten the idea from a classic movie they had both see on TV called ""Cold Turkey"". After about a week, I asked her how it was going. ""Well, not too bad."" she said, getting up off of a pillow she had in her chair and limping towards the photocopy machine. ""I've gotten …

January - Took her new scarf back to the store because it was too tight. February - Couldn't work in a pharmacy because the bottles wouldn't fit into the typewriter. March - Got excited when she finished a jigsaw puzzle in 6 months because the box said ""2-4 years."" April - Was trapped on an escalator for hours when the power went out. May - Couldn't make Kool-Aid because 8 cups of water won't fit into those little packets. June - Couldn't learn to water ski because she couldn't find a lake wit…