#superman

I thought I spotted superman twice yesterday. Turns out it was just a bird and a plane. -Dwight York

Mean when drunk Two men are drinking at a bar. One man goes to the other ""did you know if you jump out that window you will fall three stories then the wind will blow you around the building and in through a window."" The other man says ""Bullshit"" The first man goes ""look I will show you."" He then jumps out the window. Sure enough three stories down he got blown around the building and in through a window. He goes back up to the other man and goes ""Your turn"". The second man jumps and fal…

I'm releasing a line of INaction Figures I'm including Steven Hawking, Christopher Reeves and F.D. Roosevelt **edit** Just realised I could have improved it thusly: Including Professor X, Daredevil & Superman

Something tells me a handjob from Superman would be.... ...a ripoff

Only cricket fans will appreciate Pinocchio, Snow White, and Superman are out for a stroll in town one day. As they walk, they come across a sign: ""Beauty contest to find the most beautiful woman in the world.."" ""I am entering"" said Snow White. After half an hour she comes out and they ask her, ""Well, how'd ya do?"" "" First Place ,"" said Snow White They continue walking and they see a sign: ""Contest to find the strongest man in the world.."" ""I'm entering,"" says Superman. After half an…

The bar in the 10th floor So, a bar was situated in the 10th floor of a building. Quite unusual, but it had a great view and lots of people came there to just chat and have a drink at evening. One friday, a man walks in from the door and comes to the bartender. ""A double whiskey with ice, please."" The bartender oblidges, gives the man his whiskey and goes back to polishing the glasses. The man takes the whiskey, drinks it down with one gulp, and then knocks the bar desk three times. The barten…

A Mean Drunk Two men are sitting drinking at a bar at the top of the Empire State Building, when the first man turns to the other and says ""You know, last week I discovered that if you jump from the top of this building, the winds around the building are so intense that by the time you fall to the 10th floor, they carry you around the building and back into a window"". The bartender just shakes his head in disapproval while wiping the bar. The second guy says, ""What, are you nuts? There's no w…

One of my favorites Two men are in a bar at the top of the Empire State Building. The first man says to the other, ""You know, some days the wind is so strong up here you can take a drink of beer, jump out the window, and walk right back in."" To which the second man replies, ""There is no way that that is possible!"" The first man says ""I bet $100 that I can jump out that window and come right back in."" The second man, thinking this will be an easy $100 agrees, but tells the first man to leav…

Why doesn't Superman like the Mummy? Because the Mummy's always saying, ""I'll be in the crypt tonight.""

Two men are drinking in a bar at the top of the Empire State Building... and there's a massive storm outside. Gale force winds. One man turns to the other and says: ""You know Mac, the wind is so strong right now, I bet you could jump out the window, and the wind would carry you gently down onto that window cleaning platform on the other side of the building, 20 stories down."" ""Bullshit!"" Mac exclaims, ""There's no way that would ever happen."" ""Alright then,"" the first man says, ""I'll pro…

2 guys at a restaurant 2 guys are at a restaurant on the roof of a tall building. the 1st guy says, 'I bet you a beer that I can jump off the ledge and the wind will blow me right back up to this restaurant.' the 2nd guy says, 'you're on!' (not sure if he was kidding or not) So the 1st guy jumps off the tower, and sure enough the wind blows him right back up The 2nd guy says, 'that's amazing! I bet you a beer you can't do it again!' The 1st guy laughs, jumps off the tower *again*, and sure enoug…

Air Currents I learned this joke when I was about eight. My parents liked it so much I had to tell it to all their friends. __________ There's a bar on the 88th floor of the Empire State Building with an open balcony overlooking the city. One one fine April afternoon, two drunks stood at the railing, deep in conversation. ""I'm telling you,"" the first drunk said, ""it's all air currentsh. They blow crazy through thish city."" The second drunk was having none of it, but the first drunk was persi…

Drunk at a bar. A drunk is sitting at a bar on the 99th floor of a corporate office building. He is obviously upset and is pounding drinks when another man walks in and sits down next to him. Just like the other man it appears he has had a tough day, the second guy introduces himself as Steve to the man next to him and orders a drink. As Steve finishes his first drink the drunk turns to him and says ""Hey at this point I feel like I could fly"". Steve looks at him and says ""Yeah man I know the …

Superman was bored to death at his home one evening so he decides to pay batman a visit. So he flies into the batcave to invite Batman to a night on the town. ""Can't go tonight , Robin wrecked the batmobile and I've got to work on it"". Later he checks in on Spiderman. Sorry can't make it I'm broke this weekend He says. Feeling frustrated Superman flies around Metropolis when he spots Wonderwoman sunbathing on her rooftop. Superman see this and thinks ""with my super speed I can fly down there …

An Indian Arrived in America... An Indian guy named ""Anantraman Subbaraman"" arrived at the New York airport and ended up waiting for his visa for about 2 hours for the authorities to call his name. He got fed up and went to them and asked why they haven't called his name yet. They said that they have been calling him for the last 2 hours as ""Anotherman Superman"", but nobody was replying.

A man walks into a bar for a drink... ...up on the top floor of a fancy building. He sits down at the bar and orders a high end beer. As he's drinking, he notices a bum sitting in a dark corner at the end of the bar starring at him. He gives the bum a dirty look and shakes his head before returning to his drink. Suddenly the bum yells to the bartender ""Bartender! Give me a Super-Double-Decker-Extreme!"" Alright says the bartender as he pulls out a foot tall shot glass and fills it full of diffe…

Two men are sitting at a bar in a highrise. The first man says to the other ""You should get the barman's home brew. It makes you fly!"" The second man sceptically replies ""If it makes you fly, then prove it."" So the first man takes a swig of his beer, jumps out the window, and flies a few circles around the building. When he gets back, the second man is amazed and immediately orders one of the house brews. After gulping it down, he jumps out of the window and falls to his death. Upon seeing t…

Superman graffitis a wall: ""Batman is a moron"" Batman writes under that, ""Superman is Clark Kent"".

My favorite Halloween joke So a black man and his wife were invited to a halloween costume party. The man being a very busy person when it came to work tells his wife ""Look I need you to buy me a costume for the party since I'm busy with work."" She agrees and he goes off to work as usual. He comes home that night and laying out on his bed is a superman costume. He looks over at his wife and says ""I can't wear this, I mean seriously? Have you ever seen a black superman?"" She nods and apologiz…

Snow White, Superman and Pinocchio are walking along. They see a sign: ""Contest for World's Most Beautiful Woman."" Snow White goes in, later comes out smiling, wearing a crown. They walk along and see another sign: ""Contest for World's Strongest Man."" Superman goes in, later comes out smiling, wearing the belt. They walk along and see a sign: ""Contest for World's Greatest Liar."" Pinocchio goes in, later comes out with his head down crying. ""Who the hell is Mitt Romney?"" Pinocchio sobs.

Shooting has started on a sequel to the movie Superman ""Man of steel"" to be titled ""Balls of Steel"" staring Felix Baumgartner

Why is everyone worried about meteors instead of the possibility that Russia just got their own Superman?

My ring tone is a woman faintly screaming Help me, Superman. Help me!' and then I run away, unexplained.

Superman and Eyore had a baby. The baby's name? Supereyore

How does the Mummy plan to destroy Superman? He's gonna lure him in to the crypt tonight.