#readers-digest

Gentlemen...BEHOLD! Puns. What do you call a cool mushroom?...A fun guy!!! A neutron walks into a bar. ""I'd like a beer"" he says. The bartender promptly serves up a beer. ""How much will that be?"" asks the neutron. ""For you?"" replies the bartender, ""no charge"" A guy walks into a restaurant, and takes a seat. Across the room he see's a panda bear eating a large pile of bamboo. Upon finishing the bamboo a waiter comes to the pandas table. The panda then shoots the waiter in the head, gets u…

In the Jungle A hungry lion was roaming through the jungle and came upon two men. One was sitting in a tree, reading a book; and the other was on the ground pounding away at his laptop. The lion quickly pounced on the man reading the book and devoured him. Even the King of the Jungle knows readers digest and writers cramp.

A hungry lion was roaming through the jungle looking for something to eat. He came across two men. One was sitting under a tree reading a book; the other was typing away on his typewriter. The lion quickly pounced on the man reading the book and devoured him. Even the king of the jungle knows that readers digest and writers cramp.

A man took a woman out for dinner... but she didn't speak a word of English. They were having a great time, though, feeding each other, flirting, touching and giggling. After the meal is over, the woman draws a picture of a bed on a napkin and gives a sly wink. The man still can't figure out how she knew he was in the furniture business. The comments in another thread were slamming Readers Digest jokes, and that's where this one came from.

A wife on her deathbed. An old man is at his wife's deathbed in their home. The old woman whispers to her husband. "My husband, I want to show you something before I pass." The husband replies "what is it my dear? I'll do anything you ask.." "I want you to open the chest locker at the foot of the bed that I always kept locked." "I will! I've always wondered what was in there." The old man opens the chest and inside is $50,000 and 3 ears of corn. "I have to ask honey, why is there 3 ears …

A weeping woman bursts into her hypnotherapist’s office and declares, “Doctor, I have been faithful to my husband for 15 years, but yesterday I broke that trust and had an affair! The guilt is killing me. I just want to forget that it ever happened!” The hypnotherapist shakes his head. “Not again…” – Shamelessly stolen from Alan Lynch, Ithaca, New York via Readers' Digest

Maybe Jesus didn't like your chocolate? So aliens come to earth and they're Sooo nice. There's a huge televised event with all the world leaders in attendance. The Pope asks, "Do you know of Jesus Christ?" The aliens say, "Do we Ever? Awesome guy!! Swings by the planet every couple of years to say Hi!" The Pope exclaims, "Every couple of years?? What!!?? We're still waiting for his second coming!" The alien replies, "Maybe he didn't like your chocolate?" The Pope is flabbergasted, "What d…