#qa

How many hipsters does it take to change a lightbulb? It's a really obscure number, you wouldn't have heard of it

Why do chicken coups have two doors? Because if it had four doors, it would be a chicken sedan.

How many country singers does it take to change a lightbulb? One to put in the new one, and two to sing about how good the old one was.

How many conspiracy theorists does it take to change a light bulb? Nobody knows. Except me.

How many lightbulbs does it take to change a lightbulb? Depends on how clumsy you are. *There, I've killed it. Move on /r/jokes, move on.*

Did you hear about the guy who OD'ed on homeopathic medicine? He had forgotten to take them.

My Favorite Christmas Joke. Little girl sits on Santa’s lap. Santa: What would you like for Christmas? Little Girl: I want a Barbie and a G.I.Joe. Santa: Little girl don’t you know Barbie comes with Ken? Little Girl: No Santa, Barbie fakes it with Ken, she cums with G.I.Joe.

Check-in lines at the gates of heaven There are several check-in counters at the gates of heaven with big signs telling arrivals where they should check in. One counter has a sign "All married men who were hen pecked by their wives". There is a long line of men waiting to check in there. Next to it is a counter for "married men who were not hen pecked" that has no one waiting in line. An old man walks up to that counter. The clerk looks at the man and checks the big ledger, then takes a ha…

Why did the ghost get kicked out of the bar? 1. Because he was sheet faced. 1. Because he couldn't hold his boos. EDIT: Formatting.

What do you call an expensive circumcision? A bloody rip-off

Why did the little boy want Viagra? A little boy with diarrhea tells his Mom he needs Viagra. The Mom asks "Why on Earth do you need that?" The little boy replies, "isn't that what you give Dad when HIS shit won't get hard?!"

How does this name fit? Walking through Chinatown, a tourist is fascinated with all the Chinese restaurants, shops, signs and banners. He turns a corner and sees a building with the sign, Hans Olaffsen's Laundry. Hans Olaffsen?, he muses. How in the world that name fits in here? So he decides to walk into the shop and sees an old Chinese gentleman behind the counter. The tourist asks, How did this place get a name like Hans Olaffsen's Laundry? The old man answers, Is name of owner. The touris…

Bit of a dad joke - trains in jail Q. Why are trains always being falsely imprisoned? A. Because of their loco motives

What's the difference between batman and a black person? Batman can go to the store without robin'

What do they do in West Virginia for Halloween? Pump Kin

A joke for fall. What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a pile of leaves? Russell.

What do you get when you divide the circumference of a pumpkin by it's diameter? Pumpkin Pi.

How does a racist laugh? He sniggers.

How many native Americans does it take to change a light bulb? About seven. One to change the bulb, six to sing the song.

Bathroom joke What's the difference between sanctuary and prison? Toilet paper.

What is the hardest part of rollerblading? Telling your parents that you're gay.

Which state serves the smallest soft drinks? Minnesota.

Three guys are on a boat with four cigarettes, but they don't have any matches or lighters. What do they do? They throw one cigarette overboard and the entire boat becomes a cigarette lighter. *Stolen from BuzzFeed, but I thought it was hilarious.*

The problem with getting married in heaven.. On their way to get married a couple gets into a fatal car accident. They are sitting outside the Pearly Gates waiting for St. Peter to turn up and register them. While they're waiting, they wonder if they could possibly get married in heaven. St. Peter finally shows up and they ask him. St. Peter says, "I don't know, this is the first time anyone's ever asked. Let me go and find out," and he leaves. The couple sits around for a couple of months a…

Heard this one from my 8 year old and couldn't stop laughing Q: Who made King Arthur's table round? A: Sir Cumference