#qa

What did Cinderella say when she got to the ball? (Gagging noise) My all time favorite joke.

5 Russian Jokes about Vodka #1 A Gentleman comes to the shop and asked, - Give me a bottle of vodka and a bottle of Coca-cola. After Half an hour he comes again and asked again, - Give me a bottle of vodka and a bottle of Coca-cola. After one hour he comes again and asked to the shopkeeper - Give me a bottle of vodka and a bottle of... of Sprite. It seems Coca-cola makes me sick! :) #2 A patient went to a doctor. Patient was suffering from insomnia, nervous breakdown and Depression. Aft…

Why don't Indians like snow? Because it's white and on their land

Who says men don't remember? A couple were Christmas shopping. The shopping center was packed , and as the wife walked through one of the malls she was surprised when she looked around to find that her husband was nowhere to be seen. She was quite upset because they had a lot to do and so she became so worried that she called him on her mobile phone to ask him where he was. In a quiet voice he said, "Do you remember the jewelers we went into about five years ago where you fell in love with tha…

How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? 10-tickles.

Want my opinion on Mongolia? It has it's pros and Khans

Did you hear about the kidnapping at the school? It's okay...he woke up.

Do you drink beer? Woman: Do you drink beer? Man: Yes Woman: How many beers a day? Man: Usually about 3 Woman: How much do you pay per beer? Man: $5.00 which includes a tip Woman: And how long have you been drinking? Man: About 20 years, I suppose Woman: So a beer costs $5 and you have 3 beers a day which puts your spending each month at $450. In one year, it would be approximately $5400 …correct? Man: Correct Woman: If in 1 year you spend $5400, not accounting for inflation, the past …

A male driver with his wife is pulled over by a cop and the following conversation takes place Man: What's the problem officer? Cop: You were going at least 75 in a 55 zone. Man: No sir, I was going 65. Wife: Oh Harry. You were going 80. (Man gives his wife a dirty look.) Cop: I'm also going to give you a ticket for your broken tail light. Man: Broken tail light? I didn't know about a broken tail light! Wife: Oh Harry, you've known about that tail light for weeks. (Man gives his wife a dirty lo…

One the best jokes I've heard in a while A guy walked into a crowed bar waving his 1912 colt 45 caliber pistol with a 8 round magazine, and he yelled, who in here has been screwing my wife? A voice from the back of the bar yelled back, you Need more bullets!!!!

What do you call 1000 aches? A *kilohurtz*.

Reddit, what's your best/favorite "A _______ walks into a bar..." joke? One of my favorites is: A guy walks into a bar. Above the bar there's a sign that says "Cheese Sandwich $2.00, Handjobs $10.00. The guy asks the lady behind the bar, "Miss, are you the one who gives the handjobs?" She says, "Yes I am." So the guy says, "Then wash your hands and fix me a cheese sandwich!

Poor Boudreaux . . . Boudreaux was feeling guilty, so he went to confession. "Father, I kinda took a little lumber from that new construction site." Priest: "What did you do with the lumber, my son? Boudreaux: "Well, Father, my porch, she's had a hole for a long time. I'm afraid that someone will break their leg, so I fix the hole." Priest: "Well, that's not so bad." Boudreaux: "Well, Father, I had a little lumber left." Priest: "What did you do with it? Boudreaux: "Well, my poor dog Phi…

(I heard this one a while back, sorry) Why can't you use a the restroom at a Beatles reunion concert? Because there is no John.

(OC) one I thought up this morning What did the vegetarian lion say before going hunting? "Lettuce prey"

Why can't bicycles stand on their own? Because they are two tired.

Why don't snakes have balls? Because hardly any of them know how to dance.

Why is Smurfette the only smurf who recycles? She's the only one with a blue box.

Anyone heard what Beethoven is up to these days? Decomposing!

Why is Peter Pan always flying? Because he never never lands!

Why are lesbians always low on cash? Because they're constantly eating out!

What do you call it when you refuse to do core workouts? Abstinence.

A blonde walks into a drycleaners and says 'good morning' to the elderly attendant and hands him a blouse. The man didn't hear too well and asked, "Come again"? The blonde turned red and giggled. "No, just mayonnaise this time."

The honest lawyer? The city miser was on his death bed, as his last request he asked to be alone with his lawyer, doctor, and priest. “I know I am going to die” he said ” and I would like to take my money with me, so I am going to give each of you $150,000 and I want you to each make sure the money gets in the coffin.” It was a few days after the funeral when the priest over flowing with guilt finally confided to the other two that he only put $100,000 back. “I’m glad you brought it up” said t…

How do you turn German beer into American Beer? Drink it