#pirate

A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel in his pants... Bartender asks him ""Why do you have a steering wheel in your pants?"" Pirate responds, ""Aaar, It's driving me nuts!""

A naval officer and a pirate meet in an inn... The naval officer notices that the pirate has a wooden leg, hook hand, and eyepatch. They begin chatting over drinks, and the officer asks, ""So, how did you get the wooden leg?"" The pirate replies, ""We were caught in a big storm at sea and I got swept overboard into shark-infested waters. And one of the sharks bit my leg off."" ""Man, that sucks,"" the officer remarked, ""but why do you have a hook for a hand?"" ""It was sliced off by an enemy sw…

The Donut Joke There was once an unemployed donut named Bob. Luckily for him, a pirate ship sailed into the port that day. He went to the captain of the ship and said, ""Can I work on your ship?"" The captain said ""No."" The donut went home all sad and depressed. The next day, he went back to the captain. ""Can I work on your ship?"" ""No!"" The donut again sulked all the way back home. Then he had a brilliant idea. He'd ask the captain again. The next day, he went back to the ship docked at th…

There was a pirate ship... And the man in the crow's nest looked through his scope and yelled down to the captain ""ONE ship on the horizon!"". The captain then said ""Get me my red shirt, for if I am wounded in battle, my crew will not see me bleeding and they will fight on"". The man in the crow's nest looked again yelled down to the captain ""TEN ships on the horizon!!!"" The captain then said ""Get me my brown pants.""

The Fearsome Pirate The most fearsome pirate captain on the seven seas is sailing through the Bermuda Triangle when suddenly his first mate comes up next to him and says ""Sir, one of the King's ships has been sighted over the horizon. They're armed and we should be ready for battle."" The captain turns around and replies ""Aye, thank you matey. Ready the cannons and bring me my red jacket."" The first mate is confused and asks the captain why he needs a red jacket. The captain replies ""Arr, if…

Did you hear the one about the captain's lucky shirt? So a pirate captain is walking along the deck of his ship, when all of a sudden the crier in the crows-nest yells ""Spanish treasure ship getting within range!"" So the captain rallies his men, and calls to his first mate ""First mate, get me my lucky red shirt"". The captain puts the shirt on and the pirates battle bravely and kill all the Spaniards and get an enormous horde of gold. After the battle, the first mate asks ""Captain, why do yo…

What causes the bird on a pirate's shoulder to repeat 'pieces of nine, pieces of seven, pieces of nine....'? Parity error.

Halloween Joke A bald man with a wooden leg gets invited to a Halloween Party. He doesn't know what costume to wear to hide his head and his leg, So he writes to a costume company to explain his problem. A few days later he received a parcel with the following note: Dear Sir, Please find enclosed a pirate's outfit. The spotted handkerchief will cover your bald head and, with your wooden leg, you will be just right as a pirate. Very truly yours, Acme Costume Co. The man thinks this is terrible be…

Halloween Costume A bald man with a wooden leg gets invited to a Halloween Party. He doesn't know what costume to wear to hide his head and his leg, so he writes to a costume company to explain his problem. A few days later he received a parcel with the following note: *Dear Sir: Please find enclosed a pirate's outfit. The spotted handkerchief will cover your bald head and, with your wooden leg, you will be just right as a pirate. Very truly yours, Acme Costume Co. *The man thinks this is terrib…

A pirate is never late.... (x-post from Funny) A pirate is never late, nor is he early, he arrives precisely when he means to. Although admittedly drunk, on fire and uninvited.

What's a pirate's favorite letter in the alphabet? *Typical response from everyone* = ""ARRGGHH"" (R) Your response = (in a pirate voice of course) ""You'd think it'd be the ARRGGHH but it actually be the SEA!!! (C)

I was having a nightmare where a dude said he was going to kill me if I could not make him laugh... so I said... What gas leaves a pirate speechless? . . . Argon

An intern's first day on a pirate ship... A pirate and his protege are together on a ship. The protege asks the pirate, ""Barnabus, how did you get that peg leg?"" The pirate replied ""I was in a rigorous battle, attempting to plunder another ship. Out of nowhere came a cannonball, and blew my leg square off!"" ""Well then, how did you acquire that hook?"" Barnabus explained, ""I was in an exciting sword fight with the famous blackbeard, and we had been going at it for hours, when he sliced off …

A young pirate asks his old sea dog captain... .. why he wears a patch over one eye. The captain replies, ""Yarr, my parrot shat in me eye... And I wasn't used to me hook""

The Interactive Pirate Joke ""What's a pirate's favorite letter? Arrrr What's a pirate's favorite color? Arrrrange What's a pirate's favorite branch of the military?"" at this point you pause and wait for your audience to say ""the arrrmy"" ""No, the Navy, dumbass""

Into The Bar, Walks A Pirate Pirate walks into a bar and the bartender says: ""Hey, I haven't seen you in a while. What happened, you look terrible!"" ""What do you mean?"" the pirate replies, ""I'm fine."" The bartender says, ""But what about that wooden leg? You didn't have that before."" ""Well,"" says the pirate, ""We were in a battle at sea and a cannon ball hit my leg but the surgeon fixed me up, and I'm fine, really."" ""Yeah,"" says the bartender, ""But what about that hook? Last time I …

What does a gay horse eat? hAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAyyyy! . . . . . . What does a gay pirate eat? . . . . . **GAY PIRATE FOOD, ARR!!!**

Pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel in his pants. Bartender says ""Hey Mr. Pirate, ya know you have a steering wheel in your pants?"" Pirate says ""Yarrrrr, it's driving me nuts.""

A 79 year old pirate has his next birthday this morning.... he wakes up and says to his crew, ""AYE-matey!""

Jesus Joke Who killed Jesus and then said ""Aaaar, Matey""? Pontius Pirate

A Little Kid Sees a Pirate on the Beach... and walks up to him. The pirate has a peg leg, a hook, and an eye patch. Intrigued, the kid asks, ""how come you've got that peg for a foot?"" The pirate responds, ""Aye, now that's a story. I was battlin' another ship with me crew, and a cannon ball flew straight toward me. Blew everythin' past me ankle clean off!"" ""Wow, "" the kid says. ""What about your hook for a hand?"" ""Same day as me leg, actually. Shortly after the cannon ball hit, a stray bu…

What do you call a pirate who is all out of reales(Silver coins)? Long Gone Silver... /drops mic

I think I'm going to start selling pirate corn in my shop... I'm going to charge a buck an ear. (Yes another attempt at an original joke) Edit: Apparently it's not original. I should have googled it first. Man thinking up something no one else has is tough.

As a doctor, I once had to remove the spine of a pirate He was all for it and said ""It was holding me back""

What does a pirate get when he walks into a second-hand shop? Disappointed.