#first-mate

[high seas] FIRST MATE: I can't wait to see my wife again PIRATE: Land Ho! FIRST MATE: Now look, that's a little rude

*goes to Australia *sees hot girl *asks if she wants to be my first mate *winks forever *gets punched down under

[high seas] FIRST MATE: The men be ready to attack PIRATE: Arr! FIRST MATE: Oh sorry...the men "are" ready to attack

A pirate ship is sailing across the Atlantic.. When suddenly the lookout shouts, ""Enemy ship heading our way!"" The captain, as soon as he hears this, tells his first mate to go grab his red coat. After they defeated the enemy, his first mate asks what the red coat was for. The captain responds, ""Whenever I go into battle with my crew, I don't want them to lose morale by seeing my blood stain me, so I wear this coat to hide my wounds from them."" The next day the lookout warns them, ""There's …

The Fearsome Pirate The most fearsome pirate captain on the seven seas is sailing through the Bermuda Triangle when suddenly his first mate comes up next to him and says ""Sir, one of the King's ships has been sighted over the horizon. They're armed and we should be ready for battle."" The captain turns around and replies ""Aye, thank you matey. Ready the cannons and bring me my red jacket."" The first mate is confused and asks the captain why he needs a red jacket. The captain replies ""Arr, if…

Did you hear the one about the captain's lucky shirt? So a pirate captain is walking along the deck of his ship, when all of a sudden the crier in the crows-nest yells ""Spanish treasure ship getting within range!"" So the captain rallies his men, and calls to his first mate ""First mate, get me my lucky red shirt"". The captain puts the shirt on and the pirates battle bravely and kill all the Spaniards and get an enormous horde of gold. After the battle, the first mate asks ""Captain, why do yo…

Who did the sea captain lose his virginity to? His first mate

Captain's log... The first mate on a ship got drunk one day, and the captain entered it into the log: ""The first mate was drunk today."" The first mate begged the captain to remove the entry, but the captain was adamant that once an entry was in the book it could never be removed. The next day it was the first mate's turn to make the log entry, and in it he wrote: ""The captain was sober today.""

Captain Jokes Captain: A navy captain is alerted by his First Mate that there is a pirate ship coming towards his position. He asks a sailor to get him his red shirt. The captain was asked, ""Why do you need a red shirt?"" The Captain replies, ""So that when I bleed, you guys don't notice and aren's discouraged."" They fight off the pirates eventually. The very next day, the Captain is alerted that 50 pirate ships are coming towards their boat. He yells, ""Get me my brown pants!""

[NSFW] The Barrel A man who was down on his luck decided to join a pirate crew. There was always excitement, always rum, and always loot, but as the weeks went by he began to realize that life on a ship at sea away from women was a bit lonely. The first mate seeing his frustration walked over and asked what was wrong. The man explained that it had been quite a while since he had enjoyed the company of a nice round female. The first mate winked and said, ""You haven't heard of The Barrel."" ""The…

Seems there was a treasure ship on its way back to port... About halfway there, it was approached by a pirate ship, skull and crossbones waving in the breeze! ""Captain, captain, what do we do?"" asked the first mate. ""First mate,"" said the captain, ""go to my cabin, open my sea chest, and bring me my red shirt."" The first mate did so. Wearing his bright red shirt, the captain exhorted his crew to fight. So inspiring was he, in fact, that the pirate ship was repelled without casualties. A few…

A merchant ship captain spots a pirate vessel in the distance... He says, ""First mate, there is a pirate vessel coming straight for us. We must take evasive maneuvers. And bring me my red shirt."" The first mate says, ""Your red shirt? Why captain?"" Captain says, ""So if I am wounded in the coming battle, the men won't know see me bleed."" ""Good Idea!"" Says the first mate. They survive the battle, the captain is uninjured and they sail on. Two days later the captain sees 4 pirate ships in cl…

(long) A ship captain notices a pirate ship gaining speed for an attack. He tells his first mate to get him his red shirt. ""Why?"" the first mate asked. ""I want the red shirt in case I get hit and start bleeding no one can tell and we don't lose moral."" They fight and win the battle and start to celebrate. After a few minutes they see 20 more ships and the captain turns to his first mate to say ""bring me my brown pants!""

A Pirate Crew awoke to find their captain with a steering wheel down his pants... The Captain was a fearsome man, so no one dared bring it up as they went about their daily routine as he barked orders. By nightfall, the First Mate couldn't stand it anymore and shouted ""Fer god's sake, Capn', ye do know you have a steering wheel down yer pants! It's been there all day!"" The Captain replied ""Aye boy, I know! It be drivin' me nuts!""

Pirate captain's red shirt. A man wanted to become a pirate so he joined a crew. Over time he ended up becoming first mate under an infamous captain. One evening a rival ship issued a challenge. The captain asked his first mate to grab his red shirt. He grabbed the shirt and they fought their rival and won. The next day two ships issued a challenge. The captain asked his first mate to grab his red shirt, they fought and won. A couple of days later five ships challenged this captain. He again ask…

Red shirt There was a treasure ship on its way back to port. About halfway there, it was approached by a pirate, skull and crossbones waving in the breeze! ""Captain, captain, what do we do?"" asked the first mate. ""First mate,"" said the captain, ""go to my cabin, open my sea chest, and bring me my red shirt."" The first mate did so. Wearing his bright red shirt, the captain exhorted his crew to fight. So inspiring was he, in fact, that the pirate ship was repelled without casualties. A few da…

Bring me my Red Shirt! Long ago, when sailing ships ruled the waves, a captain and his crew were in danger of being boarded by a pirate ship. As the crew became frantic, the captain bellowed to his First Mate, ""Bring me my red shirt!"". The First Mate quickly retrieved the captain's red shirt, which the captain put on and lead the crew to battle the pirate boarding party. Although some casualties occurred among the crew, the pirates were repelled. Later that day, the lookout screamed that there…

Captain Red Shirt Long ago, when sailing ships ruled the sea, this captain and his crew were always in danger of being boarded by pirates from a pirate ship. One day while they were sailing, they saw that a pirate ship had sent a boarding party to try and board their ship. The crew became worried, but the Captain was calm. He bellowed to his First Mate, ""Bring me my red shirt!"" The First Mate quickly got the Captain's red shirt, which the captain put on. Then he led his crew into battle agains…

The Captain's Red Shirt Long ago, when sailing ships ruled the sea, this captain and his crew were always in danger of being boarded by pirates from a pirate ship. One day while they were sailing, they saw that a pirate ship had sent a boarding party to try and board their ship. The crew became worried, but the Captain was calm. He bellowed to his First Mate, ""Bring me my red shirt!"" The First Mate quickly got the Captain's red shirt, which the captain put on. Then he led his crew into battle …

Shipwreck A cruise ship get badly damaged by the iceberg. Passengers crowd on the deck. It is obvious they need to jump into the water, but it's cold and three particular groups of tourists are hesistant. Captain walks up to the first group, who are americans, tells them something and they all jump. He goes to the second group, who are german, tells them something and they all jump. He goes to the final group, says something and nobody jumps. After a minute, ine person jumps. Then another. Then …

There was once a pirate captain who never lost a battle... He sailed the seas, taking ship after ship, no one seemed to be able to defeat his crew in combat. One day, his first mate was curious about their great success. ""Cap'n, how is it you inspire the crew to fight their best no matter what we face?"" ""Well don't tell em lad, I always wear me red shirt, so if I ever be hurt the men won't see me blood and will keep fighting with all they got. I want to keep em thinking I can't be touched"" T…

The pirate and the sailor A sailor walks into a bar and sees a pirate with a peg leg, a hook hand and an eye patch. His curiosity leads him to approach the pirate and ask, ""Why do you have a peg leg?"" ""I was washed overboard and a shark bit me leg off."" the pirate responds. ""Okay,"" says the sailor, ""but what about your hook hand?"" ""Me first mate tried to kill me with his sword but only got me hand instead."" ""Okay,"" says the sailor, ""but what about your eye patch?"" ""I was walking a…

The navy caught a pirate armada. The admiral of the navy went to interrogate the pirate captain. He noticed that the captain was missing a leg, had a hook on a hand and was wearing an eyepatch. So he asked him the story behind them. The pirate captain said, ""I lost the hand 5 years ago, while fighting with the English army. So I used a hook in its place."" ""What about the leg?"" ""I lost the leg when a mutiny occured and my first mate fought me. I killed him and all the mutineers were executed…

A pirate captain is on the high seas... A Pirate captain is on the high seas with his crew. Suddenly, his first mate comes running up to him in a panic. ""Captain! Five British warships have been spotted! They are headed directly for us, battle is inevitable."" The captain strokes his grizzled beard and replies, ""Bring me my red shirt!"" The first mate is puzzled but obliges. He returns with the shirt, which the captain puts on. ""Why do you want your red shirt captain?"" ""Because, in the upco…

Battle at Sea A Navy Captains ship was in danger of being boarded by the enemy. As his crew began to panic the captain told his first mate, ""Bring me my red shirt!"" Confused, the first mate asked, ""Sir, why would you ask for a red shirt in the heat of battle?"" The Captain responded, ""If I am hit, the shirt would conceal the wound and the men would continue to fight hard."" The battle came and went with minimal losses. As the men cheered for their victory a lookout called out. Ten more enemy…