#manhattan

A Subway Drop The Manhattan Commuter train was packed. Suddenly there was a jingle on the floor. Most necks were craned. One elderly gentleman, however, bent down and picked something up. He then asked, ""Did anyone drop a half dollar?"" ""I did,"" answered three men at once. ""Well,"" said the elderly gent with a smile, ""here's a dime of it.""

Before going to Europe on business a man drove his Rolls Royce to a downtown NY City bank and went in to ask for an immediate loan of $6000. The loan officer was quite taken a back and requested collateral. ""Well then here are the keys to my Rolls-Royce"" the man said. The loan officer promptly had the car driven into the bank's underground parking for safekeeping and gave him 6000. Two weeks later the man walked through the bank's doors and asked to settle up his loan and get his car back. T…

Before going to Europe on business a man drove his Rolls Royce to a downtown NY City bank and went in to ask for an immediate loan of $5000. The loan officer was quite taken a back and requested collateral. ""Well then here are the keys to my Rolls-Royce"" the man said. The loan officer promptly had the car driven into the bank's underground parking for safekeeping and gave him $5000. Two weeks later the man walked through the bank's doors and asked to settle up his loan and get his car back. T…

eer booze and fun!' 'John Smith lived in Staten Island New York and worked in Manhattan. He had to take the ferryboat home every night. One evening he got down to the ferry and found there was a wait for the next boat so John decided to stop at a nearby tavern. Before long he was feeling no pain. When he got back to the ferry slip the ferryboat was just eight feet from the dock. Smith afraid of missing this one and being late for dinner took a running leap and landed right on the deck of th…

A peephole was found drilled into the wall of a women's locker room in a gym in Manhattan. ...........The police are looking into it.

A man goes to a brothel ... and picks out a beautiful woman to be with. She leads him upstairs, perfume trailing behind her, long dark hair swishing against her perfect body. They get to a room decorated with velvet and candles and paintings of 18th century ships and she closes the door behind them. She stands in front of the door with one hand on her hip, and the other dangling loosely to her side, her satin robe open in the front and revealing a lacy corset that pushes up the most perfect bre…

A (Smart) Blonde Offers Collateral For A Loan... A blonde woman walks into a Manhattan bank and says she'd like to take out a $5,000 loan since she will be vacationing to Europe. When the banker asks what she will be using as collateral, she points to her brand new Bentley. The banker is surprised, but agrees. She leaves, and he laughs; who uses such an expensive car as collateral for such a small loan? But he shrugs it off and parks the car in the banks garage. Three weeks later, the woman ret…

Genius! Before going to Europe on business, a man drove his Rolls Royce to a downtown NY City bank and went in to ask for an immediate loan of $5,000. The loan officer was quite taken a back, and requested collateral. "Well, then, here are the keys to my Rolls-Royce", the man said. The loan officer promptly had the car driven into the bank's underground parking for safekeeping, and gave him $5,000. Two weeks later, the man walked through the bank's doors, and asked to settle up his loan and g…

So a guy walks into a bank in Manhattan and asks for the loan officer The loan officer comes over immediately. “How can I help you, sir?” he asks. “I’m going out of town on business for two weeks and need to borrow $5,000,” the man answers. The loan officer tells him that the bank will need some form of security for the loan. So, the man holds out his hand and opens his palm, saying, “These are the keys to my car, which is sitting out front.” “Here are the documents, as well,” he says as h…

The Mafia leader tells his right-hand man to... , "Go into the bathroom, jerk off and bring it out." Then he hands him a plastic cup. Unsure of what's going on, the right-hand man goes into the bathroom, jerks off into the plastic cup, and comes out. The Mafia leader says, "Good, good. Now do it again. Don't forget to bring it out." The Mafia leader hands him a new cup. So the guy goes back into the bathroom and does the same thing. He walks out with much less in the cup than the first time. Th…

The Fart Dr. Epstein was a renowned physician who earned his medical degree in his hometown and then left for Manhattan. Soon he was invited to give a speech in his hometown. As he placed his papers on the lectern they slid off onto the floor and when he bent over to retrieve them, at precisely the wrong instant, he farted, and the microphone amplified it throughout the room. He was embarrassed but regained his composure to deliver his paper. As he concluded, he raced out the stage door, never …

Rudi Giuliani has been ordered to hand over his Manhattan Apartment after losing a defamation lawsuit against two Georgia Election Workers. He says he's considering moving into The Four Seasons... who say they've got space between the lawnmowers and the fertiliser.

An entire bag of golf clubs walked into a bar. The 9 iron ordered a Mai Tai. The 5 wood ordered a Manhattan. The wedge ordered a beer. The putter got a cosmo. The final club just ordered a water. He was the Driver

A blonde walks in a bank to get a loan. “I need to borrow $100 for a month,” she says. The banker frowns, but takes her information anyway. He runs her credit but can’t find a report. “I’m sorry,” he says, “but in the absence of a credit record, we’ll have to charge 20% interest on the loan, and you’ll need to put up collateral. “What does that mean?” the blonde says. “It means,” the banker says, “you’ll have to repay us $120, and you’ll need to give us something more valuable to hold onto un…

Donald Trump was walking through Manhattan and saw a long queue. Wondering what is was for, he joined it. People would look over their shoulder, see that is was Donald Trump behind them, and leave the queue, so he would proceed closer and closer to the front. As he was getting closer to the head of the queue, he asked one guy, who also looked and was about to walk away, "Wait a second, what is this queue for and why are you now leaving it?" The man said "This is the queue for Canadian Immig…

A man was trying to subdivide a large piece of property he owned in Manhattan. But no matter how many ways he tried

A lawyer is parking his BMW... A lawyer is parking his BMW outside a store in Manhattan

One of my favorite jew jokes. 3 Jewish mothers get together for lunch one day at a fancy restaurant on the upper east side in Manhattan. They haven't seen each other in years

So there's two guys from Brooklyn. Two guys from Brooklyn attend a special party in Manhattan. It's a costume party where you are supposed to come dressed up as your emotion. So this guy is dressed in all red because he's angry. Another dude is green

A man walks into a bar and orders a Manhattan. The drink comes and he sees a piece of parsley floating in the glass.

The Fart Dr. Epstein was a renowned physician who earned his medical degree in his hometown and then left for Manhattan. Soon he was invited to give a speech in his hometown. As he placed his papers on the lectern they slid off onto the floor and when he bent over to retrieve them

So a guy walks into a bank in Manhattan and asks for the loan officer The loan officer comes over immediately.

What do you do if you are driving your car in central Manhattan and you see a space man?,"Park in it of course.

Have you heard the new drink called Sandy? ...It's a watered down Manhattan!

What's a baker's favorite part of Manhattan? The Lower Yeast Side.