#john-john

God said unto John... ""John if you come fourth you shall receive eternal life!"" But John came fifth and won a toaster

Knock Knock John: knock knock Nana: Who's there? John: John! Nana: John whooo? *John begins to cry as he realizes his Nana's Alzheimers has progressed to such a severity that she can no longer remember who he is.*

An Important Message From Jesus Jesus is nearing the end, hanging on the cross high upon a hill in Jerusalem as people yell at him and mock him from behind the watch of guards. In a weakened voice, he whispers ""John, my son, come here. There is something I need to tell you."" John steps forward; ""anything my Lord, what is it?"" ""Closer, John"" Jesus replies. John begins to walk towards Jesus. ""Another step and I'll cut off your arm!"" yells a guard. John stops. ""Closer...."" Jesus says soft…

A catholic priest and an Indian named John... One Friday afternoon on the reservation John and his family were starving. John, being a great hunter, went out and killed a deer to feed his wife and kids. A catholic priest sees this and says, ""John! What are you doing? You cannot eat meat on a Friday!"" John says to the priest, ""It's not meat, it's fish!"" The priest couldn't believe his ears. He quickly replied, ""It is meat and you should not tell lies, John!"" John says, ""I assure you father…

Dearest John John receives a phone call. ""Hello,"" he answers. The voice on the other end says, ""This is Susan. We met at a party about 3 months ago."" John: ""Hmm... Susan? About 3 months ago?"" Susan: ""Yes, it was at Bill's house. After the party you took me home. On the way we parked and got into the back seat. You told me I was a good sport."" John: ""Oh, yeah, of course! Susan! How are you?"" Susan: ""I'm pregnant and I'm going to kill myself."" John: ""Say, you ARE a good sport.

A guy is sprawled over the seats at a theater The show is over, so the usher tells him he has to leave. The guy just slurs some gibberish. The usher says "come on fella, we all just wanna go home." Again the guy doesn't move and just slurs some gibberish. So the usher goes to get the theater manager and tells him there's a drunk sprawled over a row near the back orchestra who won't leave. The manager approaches him and says "it was a great show, but the actors are gone and we have to close up …

The kids are coming in from recess. The kids are coming in from recess. The teacher asks Susie what she did at recess. "I played in the sandbox with John." "That's nice. If you can spell 'sand', I'll give you a cookie." "S-A-N-D." "Okay, here's your cookie. Next is John. "John, what did you do at recess? "I played in the sandbox with Susie." "That's nice. If you can spell 'box', I'll give you a cookie." "B-O-X." "Great! Here's your cookie." The next kid to come in is Jamaal. "Jamaal, …