#edinburgh

50 Great Jokes From The Edinburgh Fringe

*The Glasgow Brothel* The madam opened the brothel door in Glasgow and saw a rather dignified, well-dressed, good-looking man in his late forties. ""May I help you sir?"" she asked. ""I want to see Valerie,"" the man replied. ""Sir, Valerie is one of our most expensive ladies. Perhaps you would prefer someone else"", said the madam. ""No, I must see Valerie,"" he replied. Just then, Valerie appeared and announced to the man she charged 5000 a visit. Without hesitation, the man pulled out five th…

True Scottish Tales I was drinking in a bar in Edinburgh with my new Scottish friend. We were getting all liquored up, having a good time, just chit chatting, one passing tourist and a local. Late in the evening, the Scotsman gets all serious with me, puts his hand on my shoulder and says..""Can I ask you a personal question?"" I said to my new buddy, ""sure, fire away"". And he says.....""If you woke up in the middle of the woods, not knowing where the hell you were and what you were doing ther…

Top 10 jokes of the Edinburgh Fringe Festival 2015 [The 10 funniest jokes from the 2015 Edinburgh fringe festival](http://i100.independent.co.uk/article/the-10-funniest-jokes-from-the-2015-edinburgh-fringe-festival--WJ7tL6aZHl) Some of them have already been posted in here (luckily, mostly sourced) but I thought people may like to see the rest of the list.

My grandad has the heart of a lion... ...and a lifetime ban from the Edinburgh zoo

Some of the top jokes from this years Edinburgh Fringe Festival. *I've decided to sell my hoover... well, it was just collecting dust. -Tim Vine *I've written a joke about a fat badger, but I couldn't fit it into my set. -Masai Graham *Always leave them wanting more, my uncle used to say to me. Which is why he lost his job in disaster relief. -Mark watson *I Wanted to do a show about feminism. But my husband wouldn't let me. -Ria Lina

Hedgehogs... Why can't they just share the hedge? One of my favourite jokes to come out of the Edinburgh Comedy festival :-)

A man in Scotland calls his son in Edinburgh the day before Christmas Eve and says, ""I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing; thirty years of misery is enough."" ""Dad, what are you talking about?"" the son screams. ""We can't stand the sight of each other any longer,"" the father says. ""We're sick of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you can call your sister in Aberdeen and tell her "" Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explode…

My granddad has the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from the Edinburgh zoo.

Heart of a lion My grandad has the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from Edinburgh zoo.

pint of guiness On my last trip home I found myself in a pub in Edinburgh. A group of American tourists came in. One of the Americans said, in a loud voice, "I hear you Scots think your great drinkers. I bet 5,000 pounds that no-one hear can drink 30 pints of Guinness in 30 minutes."  The bar was silent, the American noticed one Scot leaving, no-one took up the bet. 40 minutes later the Scot returned and said "Hey Yank, is your wee bet still on?" "Sure" said the American, "30 pints in 30 minute…

My grandfather has the heart of a lion, ... and a lifetime ban from Edinburgh zoo.

Jesus walks in to an employment office The man behind the desk, stunned says "hello Jesus, how can I help you?" "I'm looking for work, my son" Jesus replies "Can I ask what skills you have?" "Well I'm a qualified carpenter" The employment officer bashes his details in to the computer "Well I have two carpentry jobs, Jesus, one is in Edinburgh, big job, and it pays about £2000 per month! The other one I have is in Jerusalem, and get this Jesus, it pays £10,000 per month" Jesus mulls it ov…

The Top 10 Edinburgh Fringe Festival Jokes Here are the Top 10 2017 Edinburgh Fringe Festival Jokes!