My grandad has the heart of a lion... ...and a lifetime ban from the Edinburgh zoo

My granddad has the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from the Edinburgh zoo.

'Appearances can be deceiving' said my fortune cookie message; then I realized I've cracked open a snail.

Me: Define Illegal Cop: You're drunk, riding a horse, shooting a gun and yelling 'For Narnia' Me: I want my lawyer.