#chuck-norris

Chuck Norris does not own a stove, oven, or microwave , because revenge is a dish best served cold.

Chuck Norris doesn't step on toes. Chuck Norris steps on necks.

Chuck Norris don't open no can of whoopass. He makes his own.

Chuck Norris eats beef jerky and craps gunpowder. Then, he uses that gunpowder to make a bullet, which he uses to kill a cow and make more beef jerky. Some people refer to this as the ""Circle of Life.""

Chuck Norris can hit you so hard that he can actually alter your DNA. Decades from now your descendants will occasionally clutch their heads and scream.

The First rule of Chuck Norris is: you do not talk about Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris can recharge his chuckPod by plugging it into a piece of cheese.

The US did not boycott the 1980 Summer Olympics in Moscow due to political reasons: Chuck Norris killed the entire US team with a single round-house kick during TaeKwonDo practice.

There is a order to the universe: space, time, and Chuck Norris...just kidding Chuck Norris is the first

Chuck Norris Found The Ark Of The Covenant... He Currently Uses It As A Coffee Table.

Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse-kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.

Chuck Norris qualified with a top speed of 324 mph at the Daytona 500, without a car.

When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the French surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side.

Chuck Norris had AIDS. Then he said, 'Do you not know who I am?' Chuck has been AIDS-free ever since.

Chuck Norris has a deep and abiding respect for human life...... unless it gets in his way.

Chuck Norris once created a flamethrower by urinating into a lighter.

The Drummer for Def Leppard's only got one arm. Chuck Norris needed a back scratcher.

The First Law of Thermodynamics states that energy can neither be created nor destroyed...... unless it meets Chuck Norris.

Everybody loves Raymond. Except Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.

Sharks have a whole week dedicated to Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris can drink an entire gallon of milk in thirty-seven seconds.

Nothing can escape the gravity of a black hole, except for Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris eats black holes. They taste like chicken.

after chuck norris eats a large meal, he literaly burns of the caleries

Superman wears Chuck Norris underpants.