#chuck-norris

All roads lead to Chuck Norris. And by the transitive property, a roundhouse kick to the face.

Diamonds are not, despite popular belief, carbon. They are, in fact, Chuck Norris fecal matter.

Maslow's theory of higher needs does not apply to Chuck Norris. He only has two needs: killing people and finding people to kill.

Count from one to ten. That's how long it would take Chuck Norris to kill you......Fourty seven times.

When Chris Angle levitated in front of Chuck Norris, Chuck Norris just laughed and flew away.

Chuck Norris was what Willis was talkin' about.

Chuck Norris originally wrote the first dictionary. The definition for each word is as follows - A swift roundhouse kick to the face.

Chuck Norris trick-or-treated as himself as a child.

Chuck Norris owns a chain of fast-food restaurants throughout the southwest. They serve nothing but barbecue-flavored ice cream and Hot Pockets.

Chuck Norris is so bad he makes viruses sick. As such, Chuck Norris is also responsible for the eradication of smallpox.

Chuck Norris was banned from competing in the National Karate Championship. Everyone he competed with the year before ended up in the Special Olympics.

At Toys ""R"" Us, Barbie and the Chuck Norris actions figures must be at least eight aisles apart by law. After all, it is a children's store.

Chuck Norris likes his ice like he likes his skulls: crushed.

Ozzy Osbourne bites the heads off of bats. Chuck Norris bites the heads off of Siberian Tigers.

Every time Chuck Norris smiles, someone dies. Unless he smiles while he's roundhouse kicking someone in the face. Then two people die.

Contrary To Popular Belief, Chuck Norris Won Super Bowl 46. By Phone

Paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper, but Chuck Norris beats all 3 at the same time.

Chuck Norris doesn't get hangovers. He just gets pissed.

In a fight between Batman and Darth Vader, the winner would be Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris uses tabasco sauce instead of visine.

In a tagteam match, Chuck Norris was teamed with Hulk Hogan against King Kong Bundy and Andre The Giant. He pinned all 3 at the same time.

When chuck Norris was born WWII had ended

All of the UFO sightings were just people seeing chuck Norris fly to McDonald's.

Chuck Norris uses a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris was once on Jeopardy. This show is notable in that it was the first occasion in Jeopardy history that Alex Trebek had appeared without a mustache. And a head.