#chuck-norris

Chuck Norris once went skydiving without a parachute, but promised never to do it again. One Grand Canyon is enough.

Chuck Norris once round-house kicked a salesman. Over the phone.

When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes, ever.

Little known medical fact: Chuck Norris invented the Caesarean section when he roundhouse-kicked his way out of his monther's womb.

Chuck Norris could shoot someone and still have time to roundhouse kick him in the face before the bullet hit.

Chuck Norris drives a solar powered car at night.

Guns don't kill people. Chuck Norris kills People.

182,000 Americans die from Chuck Norris-related accidents every year.

Chuck Norris crossed the road. No one has ever dared question his motives.

Tony the Tiger knows that Chuck Norris is G-R-E-A-T!

Chuck Norris doesn't say ""who's your daddy"", because he knows the answer.

There are now five cup sizes at Starbucks: Short, Tall, Grande, Venti, and Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris can tell you that he likes Dr. Pepper... with a straight face.

Chuck Norris is considered to be high-class Norristocrat.

Chuck Norris eats lightning and farts thunder.

Chuck Norris had to stop washing his clothes in the ocean. The tsunamis were killing people.

When Chuck Norris goes to Vegas, he doesn't have to gamble. The casinos just give him stacks of money.

Most tough men eat nails for breakfast. chuck Norris does all of his grocery shopping at Home Depot.

Chuck Norris can speak braille.

We live in an expanding universe. All of it is trying to get away from Chuck Norris.

Sticks and stones may break your bones, but a Chuck Norris glare will liquefy your kidneys.

Louisville Slugger makes professional baseball bats from kiln dried Chuck Norris turds.

Chuck Norris successfully seperated twins conjoined at the head by roundkicking them in the face.

Chuck Norris never goes to the dentist because his teeth are unbreakable. His enemies never go to the dentist because they have no teeth.

Statistics show that for every two people Chuck Norris killed, he impregnated one.