# chuck-norris

There are no such things as tornados. Chuck Norris just hates trailer parks.

It is believed dinosaurs are extinct due to a giant meteor. That's true if you want to call Chuck Norris a giant meteor.

Chuck Norris doesn't have blood. He is filled with magma.

Chuck Norris invented the spoon because killing people with knives was got boring.

Chuck Norris once sued Burger King after they refused to put razor wire in his Whopper, insisting that that actually is ""his"" way.

Chuck Norris has the greatest Poker-Face of all time. He won the 1983 World Series of Poker, despite holding only a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoloy card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.

Chuck Norris can run up a flight of stairs backwards.

#Chuck Norris #Bar #One-Liner

Chuck Norris likes his coffee half and half: half coffee grounds, half wood-grain alcohol.

Chuck Norris did not ""lose"" his virginity, he stalked it and then destroyed it with extreme prejudice.

Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.

Chuck Norris likes knitting sweaters...... if by knitting you mean kicking and by sweaters you mean babies......

There is endless debate about the existence of the human soul. Well it does exist, and Chuck Norris finds it delicious.

#Chuck Norris #Raymond #One-Liner

Chuck Norris *hates* Raymond.

Chuck Norris drinks napalm to quell his heartburn.

Chuck Norris doesn't sleep, he waits.

#Chuck Norris #Work #One-Liner

If you work in an office with Chuck Norris, don't ask him for his three-hole-punch.

A man once taunted Chuck Norris with a bag of Lay's potato chips, saying ""Betcha can't eat just one!"" Chuck Norris proceeded to eat the chips, the bag, and the man in one deft move.

Chuck Norris can get Blackjack with just one card.

Chuck Norris crab fishes the Bearing Sea using only a snorkel and a laundry basket.

There are only two things that can cut diamonds: other diamonds, and Chuck Norris.