#chuck-norris

Chuck Norris once worked as a weatherman for the San Diego evening news. Every night he would make the same forecast: Partly cloudy with a 75% chance of Pain.

freddie crougar once impersonated chuck norris and that is the reason why we have nightmares

In the first Jurassic Park movie, the Tyrannosaurus Rex wasn't chasing the jeep. Chuck Norris was chasing the Tyrannosaurus AND the jeep.

Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

Chuck Norris was born in the log cabin he built himself.

Pauly D from Jersey Shore was at the Dance party where Chuck Norris invented the Electric Slide. His hair is now permanently stuck in a blowout position.

The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.

Chuck Norris eats eight meals a day. Seven are steak, and the last is the rest of the cow.

Chuck Norris uses pepper spray to spice up his steaks.

Chuck Norris chose Mudkip as his starter when playing Pokemon Emerald. This lead to the meme ""so i herd u liek mudkipz"". Therefore, anyone who answers ""No"" and knows what a Mudkip is will get roundhouse-kicked in the face by... I don't have to say who, do I?

Chuck Norris can hit Mach 3 in his hot-air balloon.

Chuck Norris does not own a house. He walks into random houses and people move.

Chuck Norris has a grizzly bear rug on his floor. The bear isn't actually dead. It's just too afraid to move.

When Chuck Norris is in a crowded area, he doesn't walk around people. He walks through them.

The opening scene of the movie ""Saving Private Ryan"" is loosely based on games of dodgeball Chuck Norris played in second grade.

Chuck Norris and Mr. T walked into a bar. The bar was instantly destroyed, as that level of awesome cannot be contained in one building.

The original title for Star Wars was ""Skywalker: Texas Ranger"". Starring Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris doesn't churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out.

When Bruce Banner gets mad, he turns into the Hulk. When the Hulk gets mad, he turns into Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris can taste lies.

Chuck Norris can hold his breathe for nine years.

Only one person cried when Chuck Norris was born and that was the doctor.... no one slaps Chuck Norris

A handicap parking sign does not actually mean that the particular spot is for handicapped people. It is in fact a warning that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris, and that you will soon become handicapped if you park there.

Chuck Norris can skeletize a cow in two minutes.

Chuck Norris once went through the Wendy's drive thru and ordered a Big Mac .......and got one.