#chuck-norris

Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.

After his wedding, Chuck Norris sent ""You're Welcome"" cards to all of his guests.

Chuck Norris is the only man who has, literally, beaten the odds. With his fists.

Fear is not the only emotion Chuck Norris can smell. He can also detect hope, as in ""I hope I don't get a roundhouse kick from Chuck Norris.""

Chuck Norris once participated in the running of the bulls. He walked.

Chuck Norris has 12 moons. One of those moons is the Earth.

In 1957 while in Elementary school Chuck Norris drew a sketch of a square apparatus with astonishing details. 50 years later, Apple used that same sketch to design and develop what we know now as... the ipad.

FACT: You are having a birthday because Chuck Norris decided to let you live another year!

When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.

The owl knows how many licks it takes to get to the center of a toostie-roll-pop. Chuck Norris knows how many licks it takes to get to the center of a 5,000 pound boulder.

Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its decendants are known today as Giraffes.

You can lead a horse to water but cannot make him drink, unless you're Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris' calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd; no one fools Chuck Norris.

He, who laughs last, laughs best. He who laughs at Chuck Norris ... dies.

Chuck Norris is his own line at the DMV.

A man once asked Chuck Norris if his real name is ""Charles"". Chuck Norris did not respond, he simply stared at him until he exploded.

Tom Clancy has to pay royalties to Chuck Norris because ""The Sum of All Fears"" is the name of Chuck Norris' autobiography.

Chuck Norris does not have to answer the phone. His beard picks up the incoming electrical impulses and translates them into audible sound.

Scientifically speaking, it is impossible to charge Chuck Norris with ""obstruction of justice."" This is because even Chuck Norris cannot be in two places at the same time.

When somebody yells ""Last one in is a rotten egg,"" Chuck Norris is never the rotten egg.

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool Chuck Norris once and he will roundhouse you in the face.

The pen is mighter than the sword, but only if the pen is held by Chuck Norris.

The best part of waking up, is not Folgers in your cup, but knowing that Chuck Norris didn't kill you in your sleep.

The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Chuck Norris has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.

Chuck Norris once rode a bull, and nine months later it had a calf.