#dmv

They can only rescue about one miner per hour, while all the others wait? Who put the DMV in charge of this?

I like to ask strangers in line at the DMV to guess my weight just so I can see what I can get away with putting on my license.

Off to the DMV. Time for new license pic. Gonna be really drunk for it. If i ever get pulled over the cop will think i always look like that

They are giving free AIDS test at the DMV. The only thing worse than waiting in line at DMV is finding out you have AIDS.

Stood in very long line today at the DMV behind James Bond renewing his license to kill... shouldn't they have a separate line for that?

I think tomorrow I'm going to respond to everyone using only lyrics from songs by The Dead Deads. Wish me some luck at the DMV.

Twitter handles are what would happen if the DMV let everyone put whatever they wanted on their license plates.

I've been in line at the DMV for 1.5 hrs so my distaste for the general population is at an all time high right now.

If I drank as little alcohol as I tell my doctor I'd weigh as little as I tell the people at the DMV when I renew my driver's license.

ya i'll have a 6 inch subway club on parmesan oregano "sir this is the DMV" uh ya toasted "sir" cheddar "sir, you-" do u have sun chips

a haunted house but it's just people paying bills and waiting in line at the DMV

The first thing I'm going to do when I'm rich is buy an airline flight for everyone who works at the DMV and then delay the flight forever.

Saved my gall bladder in a jar so when they ask me at the DMV if I want to be an organ donor, I can put it on the counter and say, "YES!"

If they want to increase the use of public transit, they should start using a scale at the DMV license renewal counter.

It turns out if you cry at the DMV they'll let you take a second photo

An elderly asian man gets into a car accident and has to re-do his eye exam for the DMV. He fails, and goes to the doctor. While examining him, the doctor says ""well, I can see the problem here. You have cataracts."" The old man responds, ""I don't have cataract! I have rincoln continental!""

What do you call an african american guy walking into the DMV? An african american guy walking into the DMV, you racist f#ck.

Socrates went the the DEQ, the DMV, the IRS, and the OBC all in 1 day... And afterward he started writing a chronicle of his travels: I went to the DEQ, it said, would have gone to the oracle. I went to the DMV, it said...

My computer's RAM isn't that great... ...but it still has faster processing than the DMV.

Chuck Norris is his own line at the DMV.

Trying to date someone that doesn't like you is like going to the DMV... ...you get the run-around all day, get frustrated, and when they finally do call your number, you don't feel satisfied, you're just glad its over.

A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver’s license. First, of course, he had to take an eye sight test. The optician showed him a card with the letters ‘C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.’ ‘Can you read this?’ the optician asked. ‘Read it?’ the Polish guy replied, ‘I know the guy.’

A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's license. First

A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's license First, of course, he had to take an eyesight test. The optician showed him a card with the letters: 'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.' "Can you read this?" the optician asked. "Read it?" the Polish guy replied, "I know the guy."

Did you hear that the DMV is going make all stop signs bilingual for Spanish Speakers in 2014?,"It's not going to be too expensive, though all they have to do is add the ""e"" to the front.