#socrates

If Socrates had been a woman, he would've said: All I know is that I have all these clothes, but I have nothing to wear.

Coworker: "How was your weekend?" Me: "You know, they killed Socrates because he asked too many questions."

"Why?" - Socrates and four year-olds

"To be is to do" - Socrates. "To do is to be" - Nietzsche. "Do be do be do" - Sinatra. "Beep beep beep" - R2D2.

It's 450 BC. Socrates is doing a keg stand at a philosopher frat party. Gets the nickname SoCRAYtes. Nobody takes him seriously ever again.

In ancient Greece (469 - 399 BC), Socrates was widely lauded for his wisdom. One day an acquaintance ran up to him excitedly and said, ""Socrates, do you know what I just heard about Diogenes?"" ""Wait a moment,"" Socrates replied, ""Before you tell me I'd like you to pass a little test. It's called the Triple Filter Test."" 'Triple filter?"" asked the acquaintance. ""That's right,"" Socrates continued, ""Before you talk to me about Diogenes let's take a moment to filter what you're going to say…

Socrates' Beloved Socrates beloved dog died. He went to his Greek priest and asked if he could arrange a regular church service for his dearly departed. The priest was outraged and berated the parishioner for suggesting his dog receive holy services. Dismayed, Socrates turned away mumbling, Now what am I to do with the five thousand Euros we saved for the serviced?' Good Lord, my son, come back; why didn't you say he was Orthodox?'

How is the American public now like Socrates? By November, they will have both picked their poison.

Socrates went the the DEQ, the DMV, the IRS, and the OBC all in 1 day... And afterward he started writing a chronicle of his travels: I went to the DEQ, it said, would have gone to the oracle. I went to the DMV, it said...

What do Socrates and John Snow both got in common? Neither knows a thing. (from another forum)

Aristotle: We are what we repeatedly do. Plato: Well then I guess I'm YOUR MOM! -high fives Socrates-

What do you get if you cross Socrates with a dentist? A flossopher!

Philosophy Convention All the world's greatest philosophers are gathering in France for the largest philosophy convention ever. Socrates, Descartes, Kant, etc have all made their way to Paris and checked into their rooms. Aristotle's invitation was lost in the time-travel post office and he didn't get the invitation until much later. When he finally arrives, he asks the front desk for his room but, unfortunately, no rooms are available. Struck by this, Aristotle asks Socrates if he wouldn't mind…

TIL Socrates' last words. ""I drank WHAT?!""

Kids' thoughts. I believe you should live each day as if it is your last, which is why I don't have any clean laundry because, come on, who wants to wash clothes on the last day of their life? --Age 15 Give me the strength to change the things I can, the grace to accept the things I cannot, and a great big bag of money. --Age 13 It sure would be nice if we got a day off for the president's birthday, like they do for the queen. Of course, then we would have a lot of people voting for a candidate …

Triple Filter Test!!! In ancient Greece, Socrates was reputed to hold knowledge in the highest esteem. One day an acquaintance met the great philosopher and said, ""Socrates, do you know what I just heard about your friend?"" ""Hold on a minute,"" Socrates replied. ""Before telling me anything I'd like you to pass a little test. It's called the Triple Filter Test."" [""Triple filter?""](http://smile.xonaki.com/Joke/EN?categoryCode=EN&jokeId=573) ""That's right,"" Socrates continued. ""Before…

3 guys walk into a bar... Socrates, Epictetus, and Descartes walk into a bar. Socrates goes up to the bartender first and the bartender asks him: ""what's your poison?"" Socrates say hemlock, takes a swig of some the bartender gives him and promptly dies. Next, Epictetus goes up to the bartender who asks Epictetus what he can bring him. Epictetus responds with: ""It matters not, I will choose to like whatever you bring."" So the bartender gets him a beer. Finally, Descartes goes up to the barten…

socrates the philosopher . . . (fixed) Keep this in mind the next time you are about to repeat a rumor or spread gossip. In ancient Greece (469 - 399 BC), Socrates was widely lauded for his wisdom. One day an acquaintance ran up to him excitedly and said, ""Socrates, do you know what I just heard about Diogenes?"" ""Wait a moment,"" Socrates replied, ""Before you tell me I'd like you to pass a little test. It's called the Triple Filter Test."" ""Triple filter?"" asked the acquaintance. ""That's …

what did socrates learn from the T-rex? i dino

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending; and to have the two as close together as possible. ~George Burns Santa Claus has the right idea ... Visit people only once a year. ~Victor Borge What would men be without women? Scarce, sir .. mighty scarce. ~Mark Twain By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. ~Socrates I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. ~Groucho Marx My wif…

One day the great philosopher came upon an acquaintance who ran up to him excitedly and said, ""Socrates, do you know what I just heard about one of your students?"" ""Wait a moment,"" Socrates replied. ""Before you tell me I'd like you to pass a little test. It's called the Test of Three."" ""Three?"" ""That's right,"" Socrates continued. ""Before you talk to me about my student let's take a moment to test what you're going to say. The first test is Truth. Have you made absolutely sure that wha…

Keep this philosophy in mind the next time you hear, or are out to repeat a rumor. In ancient Greece (469 - 399 BC), Socrates was widely lauded for his wisdom. One day the great philosopher came upon an acquaintance, who ran up to him excitedly and said, ""Socrates, do you know what I just heard about one of your students...?"" ""Wait a moment,"" Socrates replied. ""Before you tell me, I'd like you to pass a little test. It's called the Test of Three."" ""Test of Three?"" ""That's correct,"" Soc…

Socrates the philosopher . . . Keep this in mind the next time you are about to repeat a rumor or spread gossip. In ancient Greece (469 - 399 BC), Socrates was widely lauded for his wisdom. One day an acquaintance ran up to him excitedly and said, "Socrates, do you know what I just heard about Diogenes?" "Wait a moment," Socrates replied, "Before you tell me I'd like you to pass a little test. It's called the Triple Filter Test." "Triple filter?" asked the acquaintance. "That's right," Soc…

Triple Filter Test!!! In ancient Greece, Socrates was reputed to hold knowledge in the highest esteem. One day an acquaintance met the great philosopher and said, "Socrates, do you know what I just heard about your friend?" "Hold on a minute," Socrates replied. "Before telling me anything I'd like you to pass a little test. It's called the Triple Filter Test." ["Triple filter?"](http://smile.xonaki.com/Joke/EN?categoryCode=EN&jokeId=573) "That's right," Socrates continued. "Before you talk …

3 men die and meet outside the pearly white gates of heaven. (This joke is an adaptation, made from [these](https://www.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/2yw7dl/a_blonde_and_a_lawyer/) two [jokes](https://www.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/1op0wo/so_3_men_die_and_go_to_heaven/).) the 3 men; A Physicist, a Philosopher and a Local town idiot stand before the gates of heaven. Between them and the gates stands St. Peter. St. Peter tells the three men "Sorry boys, but it seems heaven is getting jam-packed. …