#shakespeare

Every time I tell my English Setter to stop barking it never does! What does it do? It just stands on its back two legs and quotes Shakespeare! What? Yeah it says ""To bark or not to bark that is the question!"" and keeps on barking!

The Blind Clerk A woman goes into Cabela's to buy a rod and reel for her grandson's birthday. She doesn't know which one to get, so she just grabs one and goes over to the counter. The clerk was standing behind the counter wearing dark shades. She says to him, "Excuse me, sir.. Can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?" He says, "Ma'am, I'm completely blind; but if you'll drop it on the counter, I can tell you everything from the sound it makes." She doesn't believe him but drops it…

The blind Walmart clerk My teacher was telling us about this joke today so I thought I would share. A woman goes into Wal-Mart to buy a rod and reel for her grandson's birthday. She doesn't know which one to get so she just grabs one and goes over to the counter. A Wal-Mart associate is standing there wearing dark shades. She says, "Excuse me, sir. Can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?" He says, "Ma'am, I'm completely blind; but if you'll drop it on the counter, I can tell you e…

It's a little known fact that William Shakespeare and Lord Byron died on the same day. When they met Saint Peter at the pearly gates, he said, "We are honored to receive two incredibly distinguished poets on the same day! Unfortunately we don't have room for both of you to enter today, so we're going to have to have a little contest. I'm going to say a word, and both of you have to make up a poem, on the spot, using that word. The person with the best poem gets in today." They nodded their hea…

A woman goes into Bass Pro Shop A woman goes into Bass Pro Shop to buy a fishing rod for her son's birthday. She doesn't know which one to get so she just grabs one and goes over to the counter. An associate is standing there in dark shades. She says "Excuse me, could you tell me anything about this rod and reel?" He says "Ma'am, I'm completely blind, but if you drop it on the counter I can tell you everything from the sound it makes." She doesn't believe him but she drops it on the counter a…

Literary position. Years ago, my grandparents took me on a vacation to Disneyland. Grandma was excited for me when we boarded the plane, she exclaimed that I was lucky, because I got the Shakespeare seat. "Why is it the Shakespeare seat Grandma?" "You are in seat 2-B, so it's the Shakespeare seat." "Don't be silly Grandma. All the seats on an airplane are Shakespeare seats." "How do you figure that?" "Well, it's either seat 2-B or not 2-B."

Who do you think was smarter, Jesus or Buddha? I mean, just in terms of not letting themselves get crucified. *-Anthony Jeselnik, Shakespeare*

Shakespeare died on same day as Billy Bub, and are at the pearly gates. (I heard this joke around 1980, so I can't claim ownership) St. Peter at the pearly gates says, "I'm busy, so I'm considering 2 admissions at a time. Tell me a good poem using the word 'Timbuktu'. Whoever has the better poem gets in." Shakespeare smiles broadly and says, "I am a great poet, so here goes: I went into a foreign land, I saw a sea of burning sand. A caravan was passing through, it's destination, Timbuktu." …

3/15 is The Ides of March. Do you know what time it officially starts? “At two” . . If ya love Shakespeare then ya love a groaner. Enjoy!

I went to the bookstore and asked the employee, “Do you have any books written by Shakespeare?” He said, “Of course. Which one?” I said, “William.”

If you give a monkey a typewriter it will eventually write Shakespeare...

I found an old pencil I found an old pencil that apparently belonged to Shakespeare. It's so chewed up through the years that I can't tell if it's 2B

Our teacher was supposed to read us Shakespeare today but she wasn't there. So instead

Why did Shakespeare enjoy high school? He didn't have to learn Shakespeare

TIL I know more words than Shakespeare Shakespeare. Albatross. Conglomerate. Sasquatch. Carnival. I have more...

What did the math text book say to the Shakespeare text book? Look

What did the math text book say to the Shakespeare text book? Look, buddy, I've already got a lot of problems, and I really don't need any of your drama.

Why was Shakespeare always a good teammate to have?,"Because no matter the sport he would always play write

Why did Shakespeare break up with his girlfriend? Prose before hoes.

Why is Shakespeare bad at hunting? because he can't aim steadily

Why was Shakespeare always a good teammate to have? Because no matter the sport, he would always play write

What do you call a nervous javelin thrower? Shakespeare

What did Shakespeare say when Mr. Big proposed to him? "Noth"

What did the artist ask Shakespeare when he was sketching his portrait? 2B or not 2B?

Why did Shakespeare refuse to join the army? He didn't like the phrase fire at will!