#shakespeare

"Love me or hate me, both are in my favor...If u love me, I'll always be in your heart...If u hate me, I'll always be in your mind" -Shakespeare

Your password must include 5 minutes of interpretive dance, 15 excerpts from contemporary fiction and 1 word made up by Shakespeare.

I have a tenuous grasp on the English language. Shakespeare? That dude's grasp on the English language was, like... twelveuous.

[I time travel and bring back Shakespeare] SHAKESPEARE: What's this? ME: That's a meme SHAKESPEARE: What the hell is wrong with you people

If Shakespeare were alive today, he'd write a tragedy about the fate of the single French fry that comes with every order of onion rings.

I saw a billboard that said, "Be her Romeo" and featured a pic of a diamond ring. Apparently they have not read Shakespeare.

My Shakespeare brings all the boys to the yard And they're like We're gonna kick your ass fancy boy

When you ask her "Have you ever read Shakespeare?" And she answers "No, who wrote it?" .... Keep moving.

*Shakespeare resetting his password* "Enter new password." Fortnight "Your password is two weeks."

Realized I never said "unquote" after reciting a famous poem in 10th grade. Sorry if you thought everything I've said since is Shakespeare

Shakespeare walks into a bar and the barmen says... ""Get out! You're Bard""

If Shakespeare was a pun master Then he would make a play on words

Shakespeare could see the future. He knew people would listen to only two types of music. Doobie or not Doobie.

How many monkeys does it take to write a Shakespeare novel by accident? As many as it takes /r/jokes submitters to write an original joke. (by accident)^^^

Tom Swift's best moments. ""German sausage jokes are the wurst,"" Tom said frankly. ""I got cut in half,"" Tom said intuitively. ""I will never read Shakespeare,"" Tom said unwillingly. ""I lost my legs right under the ankles,"" Tom said defeatedly. ""Who turned out the lights?"" Tom asked dimly. ""I don't know the words to this song,"" Tom said humbly. ""I lost my wrists,"" Tom said offhandedly.

What did Shakespeare say when his dog messed up the carpet? *""Out, damned spot! Out, I say!""*

Shakespeare & The Beatles walk into a pub... ...Landlord says, ""sorry mate, you're barred and those guys are banned"".

Trump is in good company, coining words just like Shakespeare. The two even share their feelings about foreigners. I mean Shakespeare *coined* the word chink.

Mario es satananuq .. Mario es satananuq... Super mario is satan. He's real little, he's like bicycle repair man, he can fake badly that he eludes all time, he's ugly as ass in essence, he harkens back to, again, leprechhaunc, hobgoblins, rumpelstiltskin deeply engrained, in all, dsjungeain, zizekian problematiccx. Or as i have called this, earlier, the illustrious, and this, of course, hints to shakespeare as davinci, 'magicniggermidgetspacesquadronts'.

Shakespeare was gay... How else was he so good with his tongue?

Why should you never mess with a Gladiator who knows his English literature? First he'll bellowulf at you, then he'll shakespeare

A woman was out shopping one day with her son. The boy spotted a man who was bowlegged. The boy pulled on Mom's hand and said, ""Momma, look at the bowlegged man."" Mom was mortified and told her son that it was not polite to point to a person and make that sort of comment. For punishment, the boy had to read a play by Shakespeare. He couldn't go shopping again until he finished reading the play. Finally he finished and his mom took him once again to the mall. Again he spied a bowlegged man, but…

What did Shakespeare say when asked how his wife keeps things interesting? ""Anne hath a way.""

Thou puny pottle-deep joithead! You tell em Shakespeare!

Hey Shakespeare, are you writing your next play in pentameter? Iamb.