#shakespeare

Bought a new Shakespeare sat-nav - It gets me from A to B or not to B.

The tale of Dmitri Dmitri was a struggling poet in his village. He could craft the greatest of ballads, but no one would listen to them. They were too preoccupied with the two big-time poets in the neighboring castle. The poets called themselves ShakespeareA and ShakespeareB. Their work was terrible, but the common folk were so enticed with the original work of the real Shakespeare that the brand name just kept rolling. The two Shakes were so conceited that they even believed that they were actu…

Shakespeare was a good sport... He ended all his sonnets with gg.

What did Shakespeare ask his doctor when he was afraid he had tuberculosis? TB or not TB, that is the question.

Ye olde insult battle Insult the person above you in ye olde english. Try to quote shakespeare if you have any quotes in your head. I'll start. Thou dissembler, thou! I fear thee not.

A woman goes into Bass Pro Shop to buy a fishing rod for her son's birthday. She doesn't know which one to get so she just grabs one and goes over to the counter. An associate is standing there in dark shades. She says ""Excuse me, could you tell me anything about this rod and reel?"" He says ""Ma'am, I'm completely blind, but if you drop it on the counter I can tell you everything from the sound it makes."" She doesn't believe him but she drops it on the counter anyways. He says ""That's a six-…

What did Shakespeare name his pet pig? Hamlet.

A creative writing teacher is having a conference with one of his students about his last piece and the grade he gave the student. The student asked ""Why did you give me an F?"" The teacher responds ""Have you ever heard that if you place a thousand monkeys at a thousand typewriters an infinite amount of time, they'll eventually write the works of Shakespeare?"" He holds up the paper and says ""3 monkeys, 10 minutes.""

Shakespeare walks into a gay bar... [Exit, pursued by a bear]

It's a little known fact that William Shakespeare and Lord Byron died on the same day. When they met Saint Peter at the pearly gates, he said, ""We are honored to receive two incredibly distinguished poets on the same day! Unfortunately we don't have room for both of you to enter today, so we're going to have to have a little contest. I'm going to say a word, and both of you have to make up a poem, on the spot, using that word. The person with the best poem gets in today."" They nodded their hea…

For a gentleman, Shakespeare really knew how to... ...spread those thy's.

Yeah, I knew Shakespeare in college. Typical neck bard.

The ignorant fisherman. Young man got his diploma and decided to travel the world. In a poor, developing country, he took a boat across the bay with a local fisherman, and tried to start a conversation. ""What is your favorite play by Shakespeare?"" he asked. ""Who?"" replied the fisherman. ""Never heard of him."" ""Oh, what is your favorite branch of philosophy?"" he tried. ""Philoso-what?"" the fisherman looked at the graduate with a uncomprehending look. ""Um, how do you feel about the situat…

My dad just told me this one, he is one of the funnier people I know One day, a little boy was walking to the store with his mother and saw a man with bowed legs. He exclaimed ""Mom! Look! That guy has bowed legs!"" His mom promptly slaps him and says ""Don't say that, it's rude."" A few days later the boy and his mom are out again. The boy sees another bow-legged man and yells to his mom, ""Mom! Look! That guy has really bowed legs!"" Again the mother slaps him and says ""That is rude, if you d…

A woman goes into Discount Fishing Supplies to buy a rod and reel for her grandson's birthday.... She doesn't know which one to get, so she just picks one and goes over to the counter. The salesman is standing there, wearing dark shades. She says, ""Excuse me. Can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?"" He says, ""Madam, I'm completely blind; but if you'll drop it on the counter, I can tell you everything you need to know about it from the sound it makes."" She doesn't believe him but dr…

A man walks into a bookshop and says, ""can I have a book by Shakespeare?"" ""Of course, Sir, which one?"" The man replies, ""William.""

Pick up line for a Shakespeare lover. How now brown chicken brown cow?

We have all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.

What does Shakespeare say when he is angry with his dog? Out, out, damned Spot!

Q: What does Shakespeare say when he is angry with his dog? A: Out, out, damned Spot!

Teacher: You seem very well read have you read Shakespeare ? Pupil: No Teacher: What have you read then ? Pupil: Umm I've got red hair !

Name the pig's favorite Shakespeare play. Hamlet.

Who writes all his plays on the Internet? Will-e. Shakespeare.

Carmella and Mario were out on their first date. ""Have you ever read Shakespeare?"" asked Carmella. ""No"" said Mario. ""Who wrote it?""

Three fishermen were fishing when they came upon a mermaid the mermaid offered them one wish each so the first fisherman said: ""double my I.Q"" so the mermaid did it and to his surprise he started reciting shakespeare. Then the second fisherman said: ""triple my I.Q."" and sure enough the mermaid did it and amazingly he started doing math problems he didn't know existed. The third fisherman was so impressed he asked the mermaid to quadruple his I.Q and the mermaid said ""Are you sure about th…