#scotland

Scotland or Whales?,"I was having a couple of drinks in a London pub on a Saturday night. I noticed to very large women by the bar. They both had strong accents, so I asked, ""Hey, are you two ladies from Scotland?"" One of them turned to me and screamed, ""It's Wales, you idiot!"" So, I immediately apologized, and said, ""Sorry are you two whales from Scotland?""

When/If Scotland becomes independent, what will the national currency be called?","Doesn't matter you won't be able to pry it out of the cheap bastards' hands anyway.

Scotland or Whales? I was having a couple of drinks in a London pub on a Saturday night. I noticed to very large women by the bar. They both had strong accents, so I asked, "Hey, are you two ladies from Scotland?" One of them turned to me and screamed, "It's Wales, you idiot!" So, I immediately apologized, and said, "Sorry, are you two whales from Scotland?"

What do you call a detective from Glasgow with three feet? A Scotland Yard.

What's big, Scottish and depressing? Scotland

What is the difference between Will Smith and Scotland ? Independence Day

When/If Scotland becomes independent, what will the national currency be called? Doesn't matter, you won't be able to pry it out of the cheap bastards' hands anyway.

Did anyone else hear about that horror style remake Scotland did of "Sleepless in Seattle"? It's called "Sheepless on Cialis".

An important time for any young man in Scotland is when he "comes of age" and is allowed to buy and wear his first kilt. A few weeks before his big birthday, wee Kenny went to a tailor's shop and decided on the material he wanted for his first kilt. And while he was there, he also asked the tailor if he could make a pair of underpants in the same material because he had heard that wearing a kilt could be draughty. A few days later, the tailor called Kenny to say that his order was ready. When Ke…

Two Irishmen went into a bar in Scotland. One asked the bartender: "Is there any good fishing around here?" "Certainly," said the bartender. "The fish are thick in the water. You don't even need to put the rod in – you just reach in and pull them out! Big salmon! On your way home tonight, get your friend to hold you over the bridge by your legs and you can pull the salmon out of the water." The two agreed: "Yes, we'll try that when we get to the bridge." So on their way home they came to the bri…

In Scotland, the most important time for a young lad is when he "comes of age" and is allowed to purchase and wear his first kilt. A couple of weeks before his important birthday, a young lad went to a tailor shop and found the material he wanted for his first kilt. He took the material to the tailor and said, "I'd like ye to make me a kilt with this material here and, if ye don't mind, I'd like ye to make me a pair of matching underwear for it. I hear it gets a might drafty up dem tings!" So th…

There was the caller who asked for a knitwear company in Woven. Operator: "Woven? Are you sure?" Caller: "Yes. That's what it says on the label -- Woven in Scotland!”

An astronomer, a physicist and a mathematician are on a train in Scotland. The astronomer looks out of the window, sees a black sheep standing in a field, and remarks, "How odd. Scottish sheep are black." "No, no, no!" says the physicist. "Only some Scottish sheep are black." The mathematician rolls his eyes at his companions' muddled thinking and says, "In Scotland, there is at least one field, containing at least one sheep, at least one side of which appears black from here."