#school

The rest of the world uses Facebook to overthrow evil dictators. I just learned some girl I hated in high school likes her new pedicure.

Student begins reading poem, teacher interrupts "No this is Creative WRITHING class" Other student squirms around on floor "Very good Todd"

"I'm gonna make a cool new social media site for college kids, but only for a few years. Then it'll be a mom scrapbook" ~ Mark Zuckerberg

When I drop my son off at school I do one arm pushups at the entrance to let the other dads know that's what's up. But they're all at work.

Cherish your high school friendships, those people will be strangers for the rest of your life.

I just ran into my high school bully and it was great cause I'm doing well and he's 17 which is very old for a dog

She hated my mixed-tape back in high school. Last month she gave birth to her ninth baby. Thanks for saving my life, Depeche Mode!

My liver's so black, it went to a respected college, got a great job, and made it's family very proud. Weren't expecting that, huh? Racist.

Coworker: What was your college major? Me: How to avoid student-loan debt, with a minor in teen pregnancy.

My plane has an entire high school wrestling team on it, so I imagine we'll crash in a forest & I'll become their King.

Apparently everyone was too high in the 70's when Grease came out to notice that every "student" at Rydell High looked like they were 35

My son just said he's going to write his name on our cat with a raisin. Guess I won't have to waste money on college.

The greatest trick Facebook ever pulled was to convince the world we actually want to keep in touch with people we went to school with.

I was kicked out of mime school once. I hadn't put the safety lock on and my finger guns went off. The whole class took cover in their boxes

I was voted "most friendly" at my high school in 10th grade. It was at this point in my life that I knew serious changes were in order.

Had a lot of chemistry with my high-school science teacher.

Not a single one of my girlfriends has stuck around to see how many old school WWF finishing moves I know.

Quit college. Become an oven. Get up to like 500 degrees.

After a failed college project to fight hunger, Clark decided to focus on fighting crime and thereby dropping a p from Supperman.

Ok son, the bad news is, your dog died while u were at school. The good news however, I found a vape pen in a tree mmmm onion flavor

Nervous about our 1st ultrasound exam. What if my baby doesn't make ultra sounds? What if it's just farting noises? Is it graded on a curve?

I have 11 pictures of myself from high school. My daughter has 11 pictures of herself from this morning.

My son: do kids that get bullied go to college? Me: no they go to the police academy

I got mugged in college by a gang of Asians. Two of them held me down and a third corrected my math homework before fleeing into the night.

Homework. The teachers' way of knowing how smart the parent is.