#military

The only upside to Trump's big wall is that Texas will finally get some of Banksy's Art. Maybe like a little girl and a soldier with a gun

Y'all are gonna be sorry when I figure out how to breed spiders and bees and my army of "spees" is stingin' and bitin' you and shit

Imagine trying to explain Captain America: Civil War to Abraham Lincoln.

Fun prank: tell your kid World War II ended by the Americans dropping an F-bomb on Japan. Then later when his teacher calls, act shocked.

General: Why is the whole battalion yellow and slimy? Me: I mustard the troops. General: ... Me: Just as you told me to, sir.

Look, if you didn't want to go to prison you should've started a war or destroyed the economy. But you downloaded a movie, you felon

Kylo Ren: *high pitched voice* I love you Kylo Ren. You're the best dark Jedi ever General Hux: *walks in* Stop playing with Vader's helmet

Top Six Uses Of Strategic Planning: 6. Politics 5. Sports 4. Investing 3. Business 2. Military 1. Returning home from guys/girls night out

Remember--the only thing standing between you and your dreams is your appearance, lack of talent, and general personality.

Honestly they're going to announce World War 2S before they announce World War 3

The war on Christmas? Yeah, I started it. But in my defense, maybe Santa warns a person before his home invasion and I don't take him out.

England's gonna have a rude awakening when they go to war and all their knights are actors and musicians.

The closest feeling I get to being a soldier in war is when I'm accidentally in the path of a thrown football.

"Not much. Just hanging out, hoping for World War III." - Map makers

My neighbor's 3 favorite films of all time: 3.) "10,000,000 Explosions" 2.) "Army Guys Yelling At Each Other" 1.) "Subwoofer:The Movie"

[1773] "Your majesty, last night some angry colonists dumped our tea into the Boston Harbor" *three English ladies faint* WTF THIS MEANS WAR

During the height of the Cold War, spies were prepared to commit suicide if caught, with the help of a tiny #weed cigarette.

My least favorite branch of the military is the Girl Scouts, they can't fight for shit.

Dear Britain, This Brexit vote is all wrong If you want to leave the EU, dump some tea in the harbor and fight a war. Sincerely, America

Kim Davis says war has been declared on traditional marriage. Still unclear is which of her four marriages is under attack.

Celebrating Memorial Day by not romanticizing the military.

95% of every relationship is navigating the question "Where should we eat?" without it turning into World War III.

"So, why do you want to be a veterinarian?" [pictures an army of cyborg dogs with laser eyes and jet packs] ...I love to help animals.

Canadian Army training is 6 weeks of learning how to throw a snowball.

Shoplifting may be wrong in a general sense, but what if, for example, I'm bored of paying for things