#jerry

A man in his 80s is talking to his friend A man (Jerry) is talking to his friend, Bob. Both gentlemen are in their 80s. Jerry says to Bob ""I just started taking viagra to help me make love to my wife."" Bob says ""But Jerry, don't know you know that can be fatal at your age?"" Jerry replies ""Hey, if she dies, she dies...""

how did jerry heller order breakfast over eazy

My friend Jerry and I built a house... It was absolutely floorless. I mean we really nailed it this time. Not like the last one that we screwed up. This time we just did a really wood job.

What's Jerry Sandusky's favorite football position? Tight end

People would see your panties! It was the first time for Jerry and his wife Agnes out of their little village, they headed to the city to attend the big festival. When they reached there, the first thing that caught Agnes' eyes was the ferris wheel, she looked at her husband and asked him what it was, as she wanted to ride it, Jerry said ""it's called a ferris wheel, but you can't ride it, you're wearing a skirt and people would see your panties"" She kept nagging him for the next hour after eac…

Two peanuts were walking down the street.. Peanut 1: ""I can't believe Jerry from accounting earlier"" Peanut 2: ""I know right. Who does he think he is, calling me nuts"" Peanut 1: ""Ah well, we can spread some rumours around the office about him tomorrow."" Peanut 2: ""That makes us seem so salty though"" Peanut 1: ""Who cares? Anyway, could you explain how to file those records again? I didn't quite cashew it"" Peanut 2: ""Well, in a nutshell, it's a simple alpha-numeric system"" Peanut 1: ""…

Two friends meet at their local watering hole. Jerry says to Dave ""Hey, what happened to you last night? I was on my way here and I walked past this plastic bag just sitting in the sidewalk full of small bills! No idea where it was from! There was like $300 in there! Anyway I came down here and spent the whole thing buying rounds for the whole gang! It was a great night! Where were you?"" ""Well, let me tell you,"" Dave replies ""I was walking down this way as well, and I was crossing the track…

A man dies, and goes to heaven When he arrives, God and his family come to greet him. 'Jerry' God says, 'you have been good all your life, but there is one sin you have committed - you have killed a deer, and had it stuffed. But before you did that, you and your family had the nerve to do indecent things to it before it's death. You Jerry, have cut off its legs before it died. Therefore, you must lose your legs if you wish to enter.' Jerry was quite reluctant, but did not want to be denied to en…

My wife gave birth to twin boys the other day. And I've decided to name them Jerry and Forgery.

drill sergeant There once was a private in the army who was in the middle of a training drill for stealth and disguise. He was all painted like a tree and blended in perfectly. The drill sergeant was walking through the forest trying to find this private, when all of a sudden the private flinched. The drill sergeant screamed at him and told him he did a terrible job. Then the private said ""Well, with all due respect, I didn't flinch when the dog peed on my leg, or when the birds took a shit in …

Rock and Roll Joke Kurt Cobain dies and when he opens his eyes, he's in a big practice hall. Looking around he sees Cliff Burton tuning up, Jimi Hendrix and John Lennon warming up on microphones and adjusting their guitar straps to fit, and Jerry Garcia messing with his pedal steel guitar. Kurt ambles over to Jerry and says, ""So, this is what heaven is like, huh?"" Jerry looks up and says, ""Heaven?"" Karen Carpenter walks in, sits down behind the drum kit and says, ""OK everybody -- 'Rainy Day…

I got a sweater for Christmas... ...but what I really wanted was a moaner or a screamer. From: Jerry ""The King"" Lawler""

Joe & the priest, bring jerry i'm aving a stroke... Joe enters the confessional and tells the priest that he has committed adultery. ""Oh, no,"" said the priest, thinking of the most promiscuous women in town. ""Was it with Marie Brown?"" ""I'd rather not say who it was."" ""Was it with Betty Smith?"" ""I'd rather not say,"" says Joe. So the priest gives him absolution and Joe leaves. While leaving the church, Joe's friend asks if he received absolution. ""Yes, and two very good leads!""

What's Jerry Lewis's favorite vitamin? riboFLAVIN

Contact reception, you better know English... Russian tourists. The couple arrived at the resort. They move into the room. Wife sees the mouse and starts yelling, ""Ah-ah-ah-ah! Mouse! Contact reception, you better know English, and I - full zero."" Husband calls (in English): - Hllo. - Hllo. - Do you know ""Tom and Jerry""? - Yes, I do. - So... Jerry is here.

Two guys walk into their boss' office. A couple of guys down at the plant walk into their boss' office. Guy number 1 says ""Hey boss! I bet you *a thousand bones* that I can stand at one end of your desk, take a piss and arc it into your trashcan on the other side. All without spilling a drop."" The boss is vexed, but responds ""Let 'er rip. I've never been one to turn down an easy thousand bucks!"" Guy number 1 stands at the far end of the desk and drops trow. He starts pissing, not in a gracef…

A newlywed couple checks into their hotel room in London and as soon as the groom walks in, he calls room service... Husband: Hello room service? Room Service: Yes sir, can I help you? Husband: Hmm yes do you know Tom & Jerry? Room Service: Of course, Yes. Husband: Jerry is here.

My friend Jerry was going to be a pilot... but that career never took off.

Did you like the movie yesterday? How is Jerry doing at school? It's a pity you broke up with Mark, he was OK. ""Do I know you?"" ""I follow you on twitter.""

Punny Chemistry ""What's Jerry Sandusky's favorite compound?"" ""What?"" ""A mole ester""

Who are a fat person's two best friends Ben and Jerry.

Jerry walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him, and as he sits, the waitress comes over and asks for their order. Jerry says, ""I'll have a hamburger, fries and a coke,"" and turns to the ostrich. ""What's yours?"" ... ... ""I'll have the same,"" says the ostrich. ... ... A short time ... Read more...

I just put a cat & a mouse in a cage and I must say, this is nothing like Tom & Jerry.

Some relationships are like Tom & Jerry. They tease each other, knock down each other irritate each other but can't live without each other.

72-year-old man goes for a physical. All of his tests come back with normal results. The doctor says, 'Jerry, everything looks great. How are you doing mentally and emotionally? Are you at peace with God?' Jerry replies, 'God and I are tight. He knows I have poor eyesight, so he's fixed it for when I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, *poof*!, the light goes on. When I'm done, *poof*!, the light goes off.' 'Wow, that's incredible,' the doctor says. A little later in the day…