#jerry-seinfeld

What's the deal with Jerry Seinfeld? Did you ever notice he seems to start off all of his jokes in one of two ways?

Jerry Seinfeld is at Best Buy. "We've got a great deal on TVs today" the salesman says. "What's the deal?" Jerry says. The Best Buy explodes

A riddle for the day Arnold Schwarzenegger has a big one. Michael J. Fox has a small one. Madonna doesn't have one. The Pope has one but doesn't use it. Clinton uses his all the time. Mickey Mouse has an unusual one. Liberace never used his on women. Jerry Seinfeld is very, very proud of his. Cher claims that she took on 3. We never saw Lucy use Desi's. What is it? Answer below! (this is pretty good ) ---------------------------------------------------------- The answer is: ""A Last Name."" Sorr…

When Jerry Seinfeld dies... I really hope his tombstone says: *Jerry Seinfeld 1954 yadda yadda yadda 20XX*

Public speaking is the #1 fear of the average person. #2 is death. This means that at a funeral, more people would rather be in the casket than doing the eulogy. -Jerry Seinfeld

So a pair of cannibals are sitting down to a nice meal... ...of Jerry Seinfeld. A while into the meal, one of the cannibals says, ""I'm going for the forehead, do you want any?"" as he cuts a slice from the front of Jerry's scalp. The other cannibal declines, shaking his head and saying, ""What's the deal with hairline food?""

knock knock joke ""knock knock"" ""who's there"" ""jerry"" ""jerry who? ""jerry seinfeld""

A riddle for today Arnold Schwarzenegger has a big one. Michael J. Fox has a small one. Madonna doesn't have one. The Pope has one but doesn't use it. Clinton uses his all the time. Mickey Mouse has an unusual one. Liberace never used his on women. Jerry Seinfeld is very, very proud of his. Cher claims that she took on 3. We never saw Lucy use Desi's. What is it? [The answer is: ""A Last Name."" Sorry Folks...No Dirty Jokes Here!] (/spoiler)

Children of ISIS have been complaining of the heat and the leaders didn't know what to do... lucky for them, they were able to recruit Italian ISIS. credit goes to Jerry Seinfeld for the idea.

Topical Jokes for 6/3 In China, researchers have found a pair of pants that are 3,000 years old. The researchers described the pants as ""not fashionable, at all."" The secret service is purchasing new software that will detect sarcasm.The secret service will use the sarcasm-detecting program to hunt down Jerry Seinfeld. Witnesses that saw the driver who returned Miley Cyrus' stolen car described him as a young man wearing a t-shirt and skinny jeans. Which happens to be a pretty accurate descrip…

World's Greatest Jewish Joke (according to Jerry Seinfeld) Two Gentile businessmen meet at a conference. One says, "Harry, how's business?" And Harry says, "Great!"

Happy Fathers Day Quotes,,, “You can tell what was the best year of your father’s life because they seem to freeze that clothing style and ride it out.” —*Jerry Seinfeld* “I gave my father $100 and said, ‘Buy yourself something that will make your life easier.’ So he went out and bought a present for my mother.” —*Rita Rudner* “My daughter got me a ‘World’s Best Dad’ mug. So we know she’s sarcastic.” —*Bob Odenkirk* “I never got along with my dad. Kids used to come up to me and say, ‘My dad …

What were you thinking?,"Schwarzenegger has a big one, Michael J. Fox has a small one, Madonna doesn't have one, The POPE has one but doesn't use it, Clinton uses his all the time, Mickey Mouse has an unusual one, George Burns' was hot, Liberace NEVER used his on women, Jerry Seinfeld is very very proud of his We never saw Lucy use Desi's what is it?

What were you thinking? Schwarzenegger has a big one, Michael J. Fox has a small one, Madonna doesn't have one, The POPE has one but doesn't use it, Clinton uses his all the time, Mickey Mouse has an unusual one, George Burns' was hot, Liberace NEVER used his on women, Jerry Seinfeld is very very proud of his, We never saw Lucy use Desi's what is it?

How does Jerry Seinfeld play ice hockey? With his Shtick.

Getting ready for a night out, a young woman appeared wearing a low-cut top, tight black leather mini skirt and thigh-length boots. "You look like you're going to a brothel!" scoffed her boyfriend. "Well, what if I am?" she said defiantly. He replied: "You could give me a lift." Men want the same thing from their underwear that they want from women: a little bit of support and a little bit of freedom. Jerry Seinfeld

A man walked into a restaurant with his dog. The manager quickly intercepted them, saying: "I'm sorry, we don't allow dogs in here." "But this is a special talking dog," said the man. "I've heard it all before," said the manager. "People are always coming in and claiming to have talking dogs. But I'm a fair man: if that dog can speak, you can both eat here for free." "Okay," said the dog owner. "Ask him a question." "Right, dog, what's above this restaurant?" The dog growled: "Rrrrooof!" "I thou…

A guy was going out with a Siamese twin but she dumped him because she found out he was screwing her sister behind her back. What would the world be like if people said whatever they were thinking, all the time, whenever it came to them? How long would a blind date last? About thirteen seconds, I think. 'Oh, sorry, your rear end is too big.' 'That's okay, your breath stinks anyway. See you later.' Jerry Seinfeld

The telephone rang at dawn. "Hello, Señor Ralph? This is Alfredo, the caretaker at your country house." "Hi, Alfredo. What can I do for you? Is there a problem?" "Uh, I am just calling to tell you, Señor Ralph, that your parrot died." "My parrot? Dead? The one that won the international competition?" "Yes, Señor, that's the one." "Damn! That's a pity. I spent a small fortune on that bird. What did he die from?" "From eating rotten meat, Señor Ralph." "Rotten meat? Who the hell fed him rotten mea…

Here's A Puzzle for You: Schwarzenegger has a big one, Michael J. Fox has a small one, Madonna doesn't have one, The Pope has one but doesn't use it, Clinton uses his all the time, Mickey Mouse has an unusual one, George Burns' was hot, Liberace NEVER used his on women, Jerry Seinfeld is very proud of his, We never saw Lucy use Desi's What is it? A last name....... “Were you thinking of something else!?”