#first-doctor

Nurse Jenny Two doctors were in a hospital hallway one day complaining about Nurse Jenny. ""She's incredibly dumb. She does everything absolutely backwards."" said one doctor. ""Just last week, I told her to give a patient 2 milligrams of Percocet every 10 hours. She gave him 10 milligrams every 2 hours. He nearly died on us!"" The second doctor said, ""That's nothing. Earlier this week, I told her to give a patient an enema every 24 hours. She tried to give him 24 enemas in one hour! The guy ne…

A doctor says to his patient, ""I have good new and bad news..."" Patient: ""I'd like the good news first"" Doctor : ""Well, you're going to have a disease named after you...""

More dark humour After a long labour, a doctor approaches the new mother and says, ""Ma'am, I've got some good news, and some bad news. What would you like?"" After quickly thinking it over, she responds, ""I'll have the bad news first doctor"". The doctor replies, ""We'll, I'm not sure how to put this, and I'm sorry to have to tell you, your child has red hair"". Relieved, a smile spreads across the mother face. ""Doctor, if that's the bad news, what's the good news"". The doctor replies, ""He'…

A doctor says to his patient... A Doctor says to his patient: ""I have some good news... and some bad news. Which do you want to hear first?"" Patient: ""Give me the bad news first."" Doctor: ""The bad news is... we're going to have to amputate your feet."" Patient: ""and what's the good news?!!!"" Doctor: ""The good news is, the guy in the bed next to you wants to buy your slippers.""

A man comes back to the hospital to find out the results of his check-up. The man walks into his doctors office and takes a seat. The doctor says ""Alright, Jim. I'm afraid I've got bad news, and worse news.."" Jim replies nervously ""A-alright, well tell me the bad news first."" Doctor: ""You only have 24 hours to live."" Jim: ""So, then what could be the worse news?"" Doctor: ""I forgot to call you yesterday.""

A man is sick and goes to see a doctor... The first doctor he goes to is Caucasian. The doctor gives the man his diagnosis and the man leaves. The man then goes to another doctor. This second doctor, who happens to be asian, gives the man a completely different diagnosis. So which diagnosis is correct? Easy. One is white and one is wong.

The doctor says to his patient: ""I have bad news and worse news."" Patient: ""Alright let me hear the bad news first."" Doctor: ""Well u have 24 hours to live."" Patient: ""Oh no! What's the worse news??"" Doctor: ""The worse news is I forgot to tell you yesterday.""

Always get a second opinion One day a man went to see his doctor complaining about severe migraine headaches. After a long examination the doctor told the man that somehow his balls were pressing very tightly against the base of his spine and this was causing the man to have migraine headaches. The doctor concluded the balls would have to come off. The man thought this was rather drastic, so he went to another doctor for a second opinion. ""Your balls are pressing up against your spine causing t…

A man was walking into the hospital for a routine examination the other day. Just as he reached the main entrance, another man, who had just exited the hospital, keeled over on the sidewalk. The first man ran towards the second and noticed that he was obviously dead. The man rushed into the hospital, grabbed the first doctor that he could find, and screamed, ""Doctor, Doctor!! A man just walked out of the hospital and dropped dead on the sidewalk!! What should I do?"" The doctor thought about th…

A woman went to the doctor's office and was seen by one of the new young doctors. After about four minutes in the examination room, she started screaming and ran down the hall. An older doctor stopped her and asked what the problem was, and she told him her story. After listening, he told her to sit down and relax in another room. The older doctor marched down the hallway to the back where the first doctor was and demanded, ""What's the matter with you? Mrs. Terry is 63 years old, she has four g…

A man and his wife were making their first doctor visit the wife being pregnant with their first child. After everything checked out the doctor took a small stamp and stamped the wife's stomach with indelible ink. The couple was curious about what the stamp was for so when they got home the husband got out his magnifying glass to try to see what it was. In very tiny letters the stamp said ""When you can read this come back and see me.""

Two doctors were talking about one of the nurses at their hospital... "She seems very confused sometimes, and she always gets things mixed up! Last week I asked her to give Mrs. Frederikson two pills every twelve hours, and she gave her twelve pills every two hours!" "I know, I Know" replies the second doctor "I observed something similar: I told her to feed one spoon of cough-syrup to the kid in room 15 every five hours, and she gave him five spoons every single hour!" Just at that moment, a t…

A long day at the hospital After a long day working at the hospital 3 doctors are walking home: - "After seeing so many patients, it's really nice to see normal, healthy people" says the first doctor, a GP - "Not only that, they are actually alive" answers the coroner - "Who cares about all that! Just look at all those faces! Lovely, lovely human faces!" shouts the proctologist

I stopped at the bar after work the other day... ...and there were three doctors at a table slamming drinks. They were bragging about their best surgeries ever. The first doctor said listen up. "One time a guy came in who was in a terrible wood cutting accident. The guy lost his right arm, but I sewed him up in 3 hours. Now he's is a major league pitcher." The second doctor said, "One time I was working in the ER and this dude came in who lost his leg in a farming accident. I sewed him u…

An attractive older woman, went to a walk-in clinic where she was seen by a young, new doctor. After about 3 minutes in the exam room, the doctor told her she was pregnant. She burst out the door, screaming as she ran down the hall. An older doctor stopped her and asked her what the problem was, and she told him what had happened. After hearing her out, he sat her down in another exam room and marched back to where the first doctor was and demanded, “what is the matter with you? That lady is ov…

Three doctors are sitting on a park bench when a man limps past... The first doctor sees him and says

An old man visits his doctor and after thorough examination the doctor tells him: "I have good news and bad news, what would you like to hear first?" Patient: "Well, give me the bad news first." Doctor: "You have cancer, I estimate that you have about two years left." Patient: "Oh no! That's awefull! In two years my life will be over! What kind of good news could you probably tell me, after this??" Doctor: "You also have Alzheimer's. In about three months you are going to forget everything I tol…

Doctor: “I have some good news and some bad news, which shall I tell first?” Patient: “Uhhh, well, give me the bad news first.” Doctor: “You only have one week left to live.” Patient: “Oh no! What good news can you possibly tell me now?” Doctor: “Well, you know that really hot-looking nurse who just came in here? I'm taking her out to dinner tonight, and who knows where the night will end!”