#angel

St. Peter is standing at Heaven's Gates when an angel comes to him with a message that he needs to attend to. Not wanting to leave the Gates unattended, he looks around for help. Just at that moment, he sees Jesus coming around the corner so he calls him over. "Hey Jesus, can you help me out? I need to take care of something. Could you manage the Gates for a while?" "Sure," answers Jesus. "Just tell me what you need me to do." St. Peter explains: "It's pretty easy. Every time someone wants…

4 nuns died and went to heaven The angel infront of the gate asked the first nun "have you held a phallus" and the nun said "accidentally I touched the tip once" and the angel said "wash your finger tips in that basin of holy water and your sins would be cleared", the angel asked the 2nd nun the same question and the 2nd nun said "I once held one in my palm for a brief second" and the angel said "wash your palm in that basin of holywater and your sins will be cleared, the 4th nun came in rushi…

Legend Long ago and far away, Santa was getting ready for his annual trip...but there were problems everywhere. Four of his elves got sick, and the trainee elves did not produce the toys as fast as the regular ones so Santa was beginning to feel the pressure of being behind schedule. Then, Mrs. Claus told Santa that her mom was coming to visit. This stressed Santa even more. When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two had jumped the f…

The Angel on the Christmas Tree Not long ago and far away, Santa was getting ready for his annual trip. But there were problems everywhere. Four of his elves got sick, and the trainee elves did not produce the toys as fast as the regular ones so Santa was beginning to feel the pressure of being behind schedule. Then Mrs. Claus told Santa that her mom was coming to visit. This stressed Santa even more. When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth a…

God spoke to His angels He said, "after extensive trials I have figured out a way to rotate a planet so it receives an even distribution of sunlight and evening." "Wow," said one angel. "What are you going to do now, sir? " And God said, "Call it a day."

At a university there was a dean who cared about others and showed exemplary behavior. One day an angel appeared at a faculty conference. The angel said as a reward for his good deeds that God would give him his choice of eternal riches, eternal wisdom, or eternal beauty. The dean chose eternal wisdom without hesitation. "Good," said the angel, disappearing into a cloud of smoke. Everyone present turned their gazes to the dean, who was illuminated by a faint halo. A colleague whispered, "Te…

Queen Elizabeth and Dolly Parton die on the same day, and both go before an Angel to find out if they'll be admitted to Heaven. Unfortunately, there's only one space left that day, so the Angel must decide which of them gets in. The Angel asks Dolly if there's some particular reason why she should go to Heaven. Dolly takes off her top and says, "Look at these, they're the most perfect breasts God ever created, and I'm sure it will please God to be able to see them every day, for eternity". …

3 women die and arrive at the pearly gates St Peter tells them "We don't have many rules here in Heaven. But the most important one is, we have a lot of ducks here, and you must not harm ANY! God is crazy about his ducks. You have been warned!" They enter and see, there are ducks everywhere! All over the place. Within seconds the first one accidentally steps on a duck. An angel appears with an UGLY and FAT old man. He chains her to him. "He is with you for all eternity!" the angel says. The oth…

A couple who were making wedding preparations die in a traffic accident. When they arrive at heaven, the man finds an angel and explains the situation, asking if they could arrange a wedding in heaven or not. -Let me have a look, the angel says. After a few months, it comes back to the couple and tells them: -Everything's set, you guys can marry. The bride asks: -What if we cannot get along and want to divorce, can you arrange that too? The angel roars in rage: -IT TOOK ME 4 MONTHS TO F…

The angel of death appears before a lawyer and says ""Your time has come"". The lawyer starts crying and wailing ""But I'm only forty"" Angel of death says ""Not according to your billable hours""

Two men were talking about their wives The first man says “My wife is an angel.” The second man says “You’re lucky

An angel walks into a bar He walks up to a blind patron and heals him. The formerly blind man stands up shouting ""I can see! It's a miracle!"

So three guys die and go to heaven... An angel asks them ""How did you guys die?"

Four virgin girls die and go to heaven... They are greeted by an angel. The four of them are in line waiting to be called by the angel.

Guardian Angel A man was walking by a construction site when he heard a woman yell ""STOP!!!"" The man stopped abruptly

Every time a bell rings an angel gets its wings. But what happens when a Foghorn blows?

A conversation between God and and Angel GOD: They scared enough?

Three men arrive at the gates of heaven and are greeted by St. Peter who introduces them to an angel to show them where they would be staying. Three men arrive at the gates of heaven and are greeted by St. Peter who introduces them to an angel to show them where they would be staying. These men were greeted by this angel who says to them

A man goes up to heaven and is being shown around. A man goes up to heaven and is being shown around. He is surprised to be living with his wife and an ex from college. An angel explains ""In heaven

Email from God God looked at earth and wanted to know what kind of behavior that was going on. He decided to send an angel down to Earth to check it out.

A priest and a bus driver are standing in Purgatory... There is an angel guarding two doors: one for Hell

Everytime someone cuts me off in traffic an angel gets its wings

An angel appears and says "I'll grant you whichever of three blessings you choose. Wisdom

Angel. Jeff is talking to Ben :

The real reason there's an angel on the top of the Christmas tree. When four of Santa's elves got sick