A new priest, born and raised in Alabama, is nervous about hearing confessions, so he asks the older priest to sit in on his sessions. The new priest hears a couple of confessions, then the old priest asks him to step out of the confessional for a few suggestions. The old priest suggests, ""Cross your arms over your chest, and rub your chin with one hand and try saying things like 'yes, I see,' and 'yes, go on,' and 'I understand."" The new priest crosses his arms, rubs his chin with one hand an

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An farmer walks in to a lawyer's office in Alabama... And he says to the lawyer, ""Sir, I'd like to get a divorce."" To which the lawyer says, ""Well, do you have a suit?"" ""Yes, I sure do"", the man replies. ""Wear it to church every Sunday."" ""That's not what I mean. Do you have a case?"" ""No, you see I've always been a John Deere man myself. Never had a Case in my life."" ""Sir, do you have any issues with your wife. Did she cheat on you, is she a niggard?"" To which the farmer replies, ""

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Topical Jokes for 1/31 The CEO of McDonald's has announced he'll be resigning later this year. It's the first time in history that a McDonald's employee has quit and given more than five seconds notice. The New Hampshire lottery is selling scratch n sniff tickets that smell like bacon. The aroma is there to remind people that if they didn't waste their money on lottery tickets, they could afford to eat bacon. In Alabama, a truck driver caused a mile-long traffic jam when he swerved off the road

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WALKS INTO A BAR... TAXIDERMY A Yankee walks into a bar in Alabama and orders a cosmopolitan. The bartender looks at the man and says, ""You're not from 'round here are ya?"" ""No"" replies the man, ""I'm from New Hampshire."" The bartender looks at him and says, ""Well what do you do in New Hampshire?"" ""I'm a taxidermist,"" says the man. The bartender looks bewildered, so the man explains, ""I mount dead animals."" The bartender stands back and hollers to the whole bar, ""It's OK, boys! He's

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There was once a poetry competition... and it was down to the final two contestants. The first was an English Lit professor from Harvard while the second was a country boy from the back woods of Alabama who had somehow made it that far. For the finals the moderator says ""Gentleman, I will now ask each of you to create a poem using the word 'Timbuctu.' Good luck and may the best man win. Harvard, you may go first."" The professor takes the stage, stands there for a second, clears his throat and

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