#alabama

A guy walked into a bar in Alabama and ordered a white wine. Everybody sitting around the bar looked up, expecting to see some pitiful yankee queer. The bartender looked up and said, ""You ain't from around here, are ya? Where ya from, boy?"" The guy said, ""I'm from Iowa."" The bartender asked, ""What the heck you do in Iowa?"" The guy responded, ""I'm a taxidermist."" The bartender asked, ""Now just what the heck is a taxidermist?"" The guy said nervously, ""I mount animals."" The bartender gr…

Hang on to any of the new State of Alabama quarters. If you have them; they may be worth much more than 25 cents. The U.S. Treasury announced today that it is recalling all of the Alabama quarters that are part of its program featuring quarters from each state. ""We are recalling all the new Alabama quarters that were recently issued,"" Treasury Undersecretary Jack Shackleford said Monday. ""This action is being taken after numerous reports that the new quarters will not work in parking meters, …

There were two old boys from Alabama who love to fish, and they wanted to do some ice fishing. They'd heard about it up in Canada, and they took off up there. The lake was frozen nicely. They stopped just before they got to the lake at a little bait shop and got all their tackle. One of them said, ""We're going to need an ice pick."" So they got that, and they took off. In about two hours, one of them was back at the shop and said, ""We're going to need another dozen ice picks."" Well, the fello…

Two fellows from Alabama were sitting around talking one afternoon. After a while the first fellow says to the second, ""If'n I was to sneak over to your trailer Saturday and make love to your wife while you was off huntin', and she got pregnant and had a baby, would that make us kin?"" The second fellow crooked his head sideways for a minute, scratched his head, and squinted his eyes thinking real hard about the question. Finally, he says, ""Well, I don't know about that, but it sure would make…

Redneck Vasectomy After having their 11th child, an Alabama couple decided that was enough because they couldn't afford a bigger bed. So, the husband went to his doctor and told him that he and his cousin-wife didn't want to have any more children. The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem, but that it would cost $1,000. Not being able to afford the procedure, the doctor recommended he go home, get a cherry bomb, light it, put it in a beer can…

A Yankee walks into a bar in Alabama and orders a cosmopolitan... The bartender looks at the man and says, "You're not from 'round here are ya?" "No" replies the man, "I'm from New Hampshire." The bartender looks at him and says, "Well what do you do in New Hampshire?" "I'm a taxidermist," says the man. The bartender looks bewildered, so the man explains, "I mount dead animals." The bartender stands back and hollers to the whole bar, "It's OK, boys! He's one of us!"

I heard Alabama changed the drinking age to 32. They wanted to keep alcohol out of the high schools.

A police officer in Alabama finds... ...a black man with his arms and legs chopped off. He reports "the worst case of suicide he's ever seen."

Taxidermist walks into a bar... A man walks into a bar in Alabama and orders a cosmopolitan. The bartender looks at the man and says, "You're not from 'round here are ya?" "No" replies the man, "I'm from New Hampshire." The bartender looks at him and says, "Well what do you do in New Hampshire?" "I'm a taxidermist," says the man. The bartender looks bewildered, so the man explains, "I mount dead animals." The bartender stands back and hollers to the whole bar, "It's OK, boys! He's one of us!…

Two Alabama hunters are out in the woods..... when one of them falls to the ground. He seem to be breathing, but then his eyes roll back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls 911. He gasps to the operator, "My friend, is I think he's dead!! What can I do?" The operator, in a calm soothing voice says, "Just take it easy.! I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence ... Then **BANG, BANG** The guy's voice comes back "OK, now what?"

A girl from Alabama asked me if I found her attractive. I said, "You've got a face only a brother could love."

After having their 11th child, a redneck couple decided that was enough,... ...as they could not afford a larger bed. So the husband went to his veterinarian and told him that he and his cousin didn't want to have any more children. The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem but that it was expensive. A less costly alternative, said the doctor, was to go home, get a cherry bomb (fireworks are legal in Alabama), light it, put it in a beer can, t…

A Yankee walks into a bar in Alabama A Yankee walks into a bar in Alabama and orders a cosmopolitan. The bartender looks at the man and says "You're not from'round here are ya?" "No" replies the, "I'm from New Hampshire." The bartender looks at him and says, "Well what do you do in New Hampshire?" "I'm a taxidermist," says the man. The bartender looks bewildered, so the man explains, "I mount dead animals." The bartender stands back and hollers to the whole bar, "It's OK, boys! He's one …

Black Guy shot 15 times by the Alabama Police Worst case of suicide they had ever seen.

Why is it so hard to solve homicides in Alabama? Because the DNA always matches and the dental records never exist!

A man was speeding down a Alabama highway, feeling secure in a gaggle of cars all traveling at the same speed. However, as they passed a speed trap, he got nailed with an infrared speed detector and was pulled over. The officer handed him the citation, received his signature and was about to walk away when the man asked, "Officer, I know I was speeding, but I don't think it's fair - there were plenty of other cars around me who were going just as fast, so why did I get the ticket?" "Ever go a f…

How do you know the toothbrush was invented in Alabama? Anywhere else it would be a teethbrush

I was at a restaurant and ordered a chicken sandwich... I complained when the waitress gave me an egg sandwich. She told me in Alabama they're the same thing.

Alabama is a really progressive state... Because when a woman gets married in Alabama she doesn't have to change her name!

My friend in Alabama lost his Mom, his Sister, and his Wife in a car accident. He really loved that woman.

What’s the worst part of thanksgiving dinner in Alabama? Having to sit around a table with all the people you’ve slept with.

why is Alabama the sandwich capital of the world? Because everything is inbread

What happened when a hurricane hit Alabama? It caused 10 million dollars worth of improvements.

What do people in Alabama like to do for Halloween? Pump-kin

What pickup line do guys use to get girls in Alabama? You’re like a sister to me.