#world

Wired: "Machine learning will TAKE OVER THE WORLD!" Amazon: "We see you bought a wallet. Would you like to buy ANOTHER WALLET?"

WHITE PEOPLE COLONIZED AND ENSLAVED THE WORLD IN SEARCH OF SPICES AND DIDN'T USE A DAMN ONE

"THE WORLD IS GOING TO END!" 2012: omg please no 2016: are we doing this or not

"THE WORLD REVOLVES AROUND ME" - KANYE "THE WORLD REVOLVES AROUND WEED" - WIZ "THE WORLD DOESN'T REVOLVE AT ALL" -B.O.B.

The Twelve Inch Pianist A man walks into a bar and sees upon the counter a very small man playing on a very small piano. The man goes up to the bartender and asks, ""Wherever did you find such a man?"" The bartender replies, ""I've got a genie in a bottle. He's in the back, would you wanna see him?"" Enthralled, the man follows the bartender to the genie bottle, and rubs it. The genie appears and belts out to the man, ""I WILL GRANT YOU ONE WISH. ANYTHING IN THE WORLD, AND IT SHALL BE YOURS."" T…

Two Chicagoans die in an unfortunate car wreck. Tragic, especially considering they didn't exactly spend their days helping old ladies cross the street or volunteering at the Boys and Girls club. Nope, these fellows went straight to Hades. The Devil, as is his custom, goes to greet his two newest eternal residents, and despite rivers of lava and torrents of brimstone, they're standing around in jackets. ""Not hot enough for you?"" asked the Devil. ""What, this? Nah, this is like a Spring day in …

There are 10 kinds of people... Those who understand changes in base, and those who don't. ...And those who weren't expecting a ternary joke. ...And those who were. ...And those who already stopped reading. ...And those who can count. ...And those who can't. ...And OP's who don't deliver. ...And OP's who deliver. ...And normal peopl**e WHO COUNT BY TENS LIKE THE REST OF THE WORLD**

The pope is riding in the back seat of a limo. The pope asks the driver ""Would you mind if I sat up in the front seat next to you?"" The driver agrees ""Yes, of course, but why wouldn't you want to sit back there?"" ""Because people always treat me too well and I would just like a little bit of change for once."" The driver stopped the car and let the pope sit next to him. A few minutes pass, and the pope asks the driver if they can swap clothing. The driver says ""sure"" and asks why. ""The cl…

Chapter 1: The man who can't lose! I am a 29 year-old unemployed man. I live in a tiny apartment in the deserted outskirts of Pink-Polka-Dot City beside Blue-Polka-Dot City. Man! I wish I live there! Blue-Polka-Dot City that's where all the rich cookies live! I'm trying to get a job as an accountant but I haven't had much luck. To be honest with you i feel depressed working as an accountant anyways. What i really want... The dream that I've had ever since i had a pacifier in my mouth was to be H…

The rabbit, the bear, and the wish granting frog (My first post, please be gentle) A rabbit was sitting in the forest straining to expel the demons caused from a bad meal he had eaten the night before, when he heard a rustling in the bush not far from him. Knowing he was near the bottom of the food chain, he tried to hurry it up. Just as the rabbit finished his business, a bear stuck his head through the bush and immediately saw him. Both of them were off like lightening, the rabbit trying to sa…

Who says, ""Phlbbbbtfffbllph I NEED TO SAVE THE WORLD IN LESS THAN 24 HOURS phlbbbbtthhphhbbl"" Queefer Sutherland.

An Illinois farmer dies and goes to hell. While down there the Devil notices that the farmer is not suffering like the rest. He checks the gauges and sees that it's 90 degrees and about 80% humidity. So he goes over to the farmer and asks why he's so happy. The farmer says, ""I like it here. The temperature is just like plowing my fields in June."" The Devil isn't happy with the farmer's answer and decides to get him, so he goes over and turns up the temperature to 100 degrees and the humidity t…

A bear is chasing a squirrel in the woods... They cross a river when, all of a sudden, the river genie appears. Genie: ""Well, shit. Two customers. I don't know who triggered this whole thing, so lemme give you 3 wishes. Bear, you start, since you're bigger."" Bear thinks for a moment. He smiles: ""Ok, I want all the other bears in this forest to be females."" Genie grants the wish, turns to squirrel. Squirrel thinks. He looks up to the genie: ""I want a motorcycle."" Bear shakes his head: ""Squ…

The Story of the Tailor An Englishman, needing a pair of striped trousers in a hurry for the New Year festivities, goes to his tailor who takes his measurements. (Tailor's voice.) ""That's the lot, come back in four days, I'll have it ready."" Good. Four days later. (Tailor's voice.) ""So sorry, come back in a week, I've made a mess of the seat."" Good, that's all right, a neat seat can be very ticklish. A week later. (Tailor's voice.) ""Frightfully sorry, come back in ten days, I've made a hash…

ATTENTION EVERYONE IN THE WORLD: I can tell you exactly where you got your shoes! No foolin' On your feet. duh

Once, there was a snake named Nathan. All of his friends, however, called him Nate. One day, Nate was slithering along the middle of the road, when he came across a large lever, placed directly in the middle of the road. On this large lever, someone had placed a sign that read, ""Do Not Pull Lever: THE WORLD WILL END!!!"" As Nate sat there, in the middle of the road, pondering the urgency created by using three exclamation points on the sign, there came a car speeding down the road. At the wheel…

A VIEW DO ASIAN PEOPLE VIEW THE WORLD IN LETTERBOX EDITION?

A Bear is Chasing a Rabbit Through the Forest... The bear has been chasing the rabbit for quite some time now, so needless to say that the rabbit is getting very tired. Suddenly, the rabbit trips over a magic genie lamp on the forest floor...and out pops the genie. ""Thank you for releasing me! For your great deed, I shall grant each of you three wishes!"" The bear speaks up immediately. ""For my first wish, I wish for all the bears in the forest to be female!"" POOF. His wish is granted, and al…

Everyone want to change the WORLD, but no one thinks of changing THEMSELVES !!!

font face=arial size=2> Two guys from Chicago, Illinois die and wake up in hell. The next day, the devil stops to check on them and sees them dressed in parkas, mittens and bomber hats, warming themselves around the fire. The devil asks them, 'What are you doing? Isn't it hot enough for you?' The two guys reply, 'Well, you know, we're from Illinois, the land of ice and snow and cold. We're just happy for a chance to warm up a bit, you know.' The devil gets a little steamed up and he decides to f…

Benny and the Magic Urn Once upon a time there was a man named Benny. Benny was a simple man with simple talents and simple desires. He was a quiet fellow who loved to walk the beach when he had some time to spare. He was the kind of guy you wouldn't mind having a drink with, but anything more might be tedious. One day, as Benny was walking the beach, he stumbled over a small black jar-shaped object. Benny curiously picked it up and began to brush off the sand. *Woosh* Benny winced as sand fl…

Good hearing A shy fellow moves into a new apartment complex. One day, he's getting his mail and a stunningly beautiful woman is getting her mail, wearing a robe. She looks at him and opens her robe to show she's wearing nothing underneath. She asks, "See anything you like?" "Y-y-y-yes", he stammers. She starts to move towards him, then quickly closes her robe. "I think I hear someone coming. Let's to go to my apartment.", she says. He nervously follows her up to her apartment. …

A bear is chasing a rabbit when both of them suddenly come across a genie The genie says, "Since you both found me at the same time, I shall grant both of you three wishes." The bear, in rut, says, "I wish for every bear in this forest to be female except me." "Done", says the genie. The rabbit says, "I wish for a scooter." "Done." The bear, not satisfied with his first wish, commands the genie, "I wish all the bears in the country were female except for me." "Done." The rabbit says, "I …