#macys

*takes off pants* *crawls into bed* Security Guard- Lady, this is Macy's *crawls out of bed* *puts on pants* SG- Those aren't your pants

I wouldn't mind being catcalled if it were useful: "Hey baby, boot sale at Macy's!" or, "Line's shorter at Starbucks on 5th, sweet cheeks!"

Log Entry 21: it's been 3 weeks & we're still lost in this Macy's. We were forced to eat Amy. Polo ties are now 40% off.

Sometimes I like to stop and fart at the jewelry counter in Macy's to remind them that there's common folk like us that shop there too.

Remember those girls in college who neatly highlighted all of their text books in pink? They work at the cosmetic counter at Macy's now.

"Shake what your mama gave ya." "You want me to shake a $25 Macy's gift card?"

Never go shopping on an empty stomach, I just went to Macy's before dinner and ate 7 turtle necks

so true story, i just mindlessly outstretched my fingers to graze the rear end of a Macy's mannequin that turned out to be a real human man

Frodo collected the keys to Macy's, JCPenney, McDonald's, etc. and put them on a single key ring It was one ring to rule the mall.

So Jared Fogle was actually reported to have been spotted at a local Macy's. He heard Boys pant were half off.

Why did Michael Jackson go to Macy's? He heard boys' pants were half off.

One day downtown I went shopping at the downtown Macy's and there was a guy dressed in a Ku Klux Klan robe standing on the corner. ""Whoa, I've got to see what he's up to."" I walked over and he had a large tray with a big sign that said FREE COOKIES. ""What are you doing?"" ""I'm giving away free cookies."" All I could think of to say was ""Are they any good?"" His reply: ""They're really good, but I'm prejudiced.""

A man goes to Macy's to buy a sweater. He swipes his card but it didn't register. The cashier asks him to try his card again and the man replies, ""I already did and it fits great!""

Anniversary Present My anniversary is coming up, so I asked my wife what she wanted as a gift. She said she saw a nice ladies watch on sale at Macy's. After a second of hesitation, I told her that's what the oven clock is for.

A man walked into the women's department of Macy's in New York City.He found a saleslady, and told her, ""I would like a Jewish bra for my wife, size 34B."" With a quizzical look the saleslady asked, ""What kind of bra?"" He repeated ""A Jewish bra. She said to tell you that she wanted a Jewish bra, and that you would know what she means."" ""Ah, now I remember,"" said the saleslady. ""We don't get as many requests for them as we used to. Mostly our customers lately want the Catholic bra, or the…

What did the blonde say when she saw the sign in front of the YMCA? ""Look! They spelled MACY's wrong!""

Had to quit my job as an underwear model because the photographer kept telling me, "I'm just a cashier" and that I "need to leave Macy's."

Jewish Bra A young Jewish man walks into the Lingerie Department of Macy's in New York. He tells the saleslady, "I would like a Jewish bra for my wife size 34 B." With a quizzical look the saleslady asked, "What kind of bra?" He repeated, "A Jewish bra. She said to tell you that she wanted a Jewish bra, and that you would know what she wanted." "Ah, now I remember," said the saleslady. "We don't get as many requests for them as we used to. Most of our customers lately want the Catholic bra, …

Why did Donald Trump rush to Macy's? He heard they had Ivanka's clothes half off

Why did Trump rush to Macy's? He heard they had Ivanka's clothes half-off

Jewish Bra A young Jewish man walks into the Lingerie Department of Macy's in New York. He tells the saleslady

What religion is your bra? A man walked into the ladies department of a Macy's and shyly walked up to the woman behind the counter and said

Your Mama's so stupid when we drove past the YMCA she said "Hey look, they spelled macy's wrong!" 3920. Your Mama's so stupid she jumped off a building in attempt to fly because she thought her maxi pad had wings! 3921. Your Mama's so stupid the worst six years of her life were grade three! 3922. Your Mama's so stupid she got locked in a bathroom and peed her pants!

A man walked into the ladies department of a Macy's, and walked up to the woman behind the counter and said, "I'd like to buy a bra for my wife" What type of bra?" asked the clerk. "Type?" inquires the man. "There is more than one type?" "Look around," said the saleslady, as she showed a sea of bras in every shape, size, color and material. "Actually, even with all of this variety, there are really only three types of bras," replied the salesclerk. Confused, the man asked what the types were. Th…